The Blue Pill or the Red Pill……which will you take?

“A revelation is not made for the purpose of showing to indolent men that which, by faculties already given to themselves; no; but for the purpose of showing that which the moral darkness of man will not, without supernatural light, allow him to perceive.”

                                                                                                                       Thomas De Quincy

Greetings to all of my amazing friends, family, members, business colleagues; and all those who will take the time to read this message.  It’s been quite some time since I’ve written; mostly because I have not been inspired and somewhere along the line I lost my spiritual “mojo”.  I’m pretty sure I know why; and this premise along with the promises of my Savior have given me the energy, wisdom and spiritual discernment to write again.  You see; I’ve taken the Red Pill; the one that offers truth; and my life will never….ever be the same.  Praise God for His presence and for His patience; I’m sure we all must feel that way sometimes.  However, just like the father of the Prodigal son; our Father in Heaven never waivers…..He awaits with open arms…..without fail…..every single time. 

I specifically started my message today with the quote above by Thomas De Quincy because when I read the quote from my daily C.S. Lewis Devotional this morning; a strange and potent cocktail emerged; complete with emotions, awareness, clarity, and purpose.  As I often do when I read a deep and amazing quote, I went online to find out some more details about Mr. De Quincy; and what I uncovered was equally as interesting as it was relevant to my message today and to my life in general.  You see, Thomas De Quincy was a prolific writer in the early 1800s, and was most notably known for three things.  Writing, squandering his material wealth on several occasions and his repetitive and intense opium addition.  I truly love the way God works in my life these days, even (or especially) when I’m lost and trying to find myself…..and again….searching for authenticity and significance.  I’ve been praying quite often these days, getting back into my daily quiet time with God, trying to break free from my torment; and just when I think I’m getting ready to start writing again; God provides the clarity of purpose as I proceed to move pen to paper.  Like the interesting comparisons I discovered when I read about this great writer.  Although I certainly do not consider myself a prolific writer; I do write often; and I do like to spread my message to others.  I’ve also struggled deeply with addiction and have certainly squandered my fair share of currency through the years.  So, Mr. De Quincy and I certainly have some things in common; which makes this quote that much more special and as you will see; will help serve to drive my message deeper today.

The basic tenant of the quote is, to me anyway, that without supernatural light (the light of Christ) there can be no revelation.  No matter what we learn, no matter what we do in this life, no matter how much we acquire; without the LIGHT of Christ; we have no ability the see through the darkness.  We all know what darkness is, right?  It’s inevitably part our lives; the bad things that we do, the horrible things that happened to us through no-fault, the bad things that others do, and the bad things that happen to them that seem unnecessary.  Some is sinful behavior, some is not; but they are all painful to witness and endure; and sometimes we just don’t understand why they are happening to us and/or to others we encounter.  Sometimes, they just keep coming with no end in sight.  Ever feel like that?  Like the hits just keep coming and you wonder when providence will kick in.  Sort of like my last 6 months.  In the last six months I have….again…..experienced great loss. 

Some loss I experienced was a direct result of my own actions/mistakes, and some loss was a result of some things that just happened though the normal course of life.  All equally painful.  I lost a beautiful relationship with an amazing person; mostly because of the unfortunately afflictions I share with my friend Mr. De Quincy above.  I also lost my father, who died at the age of ninety.  He had a long life, but his death was far more difficult than I could have imagined.  I experienced some difficulties in my business life, so the financial picture worsened for me again.  And lastly, I lost a dear friend and Christian brother who I met in Rehab a few years ago; a man who talked more about Jesus with me that any person I had ever met.  I attended his funeral a few days ago, and I encountered a beautiful and truthful realization that has a direct connection with my message today.  As we celebrated his life I realized that he was HOME.  He was in Heaven; or at least that is my belief.  I felt such a sense of comfort for him, because I knew how close he was to God.  His name was Lynn Dykes and he had a tremendous impact on me while I was at Fresh Start Ministries.  I wrote him a poem entitled; Dykes, The Seed Planter when he graduated the program and read it to him in front of 70 men his last night there.  I read it again at his funeral; and I was grateful that I was able to share what he meant to me with his loved ones.  Lynn and I used to meet up early each morning; talk about life, our families, our afflictions, but mostly about Jesus.  He was a dear friend and I will miss him.  I am glad, however, that the last time we saw each other we played an amazing round of golf at Celebration Golf Club in Orlando.  Lynn was a fine athlete and we enjoyed competing against each other and just had an awesome day of golf and fellowship. Thank you Lord for giving me that last day with my friend and brother. 
 

One of the scriptures we used to talk about Moses penned in The Old Testament;
 

Deuteronomy 6:4-9 – Hear, O Israel; The Lord our God, The Lord is the one.  Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.  These commandments I give to you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them upon your children.  Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.  Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.  Write them in the doorframes of your houses ad on your gates.
 

Pretty powerful scripture, right?  This my TRUTH today; my Red Pill if you will.  During my latest bout with depression something was fundamentally different.  It seemed far more unbearable this time; much worse than I can remember.  I couldn’t figure out what was going on but everything in my life was falling apart.  My relationships, my business, my finances…..and for some reason…..I didn’t felt like I had anyone to talk to.  I try to pray, but it wasn’t working.  The conviction I had about this last trip south was so strong….it was like NOT AGAIN TONY.  It took me several weeks of pain staking depression, loneliness, despair, and self-pity…..but through Christ….I finally figured out what is was.  The bottom line is that I am different; I’m NOT the same.  I actually know the TRUTH now.  I’ve been SAVED by grace and I am a true child of the Most High King.  I’ve been redeemed, saved, born again…….and this is why my last trip south was soooooo painful.  You see, I know better now; and when I fall back into sin…..the conviction is powerful. That’s OK, because I am finally clear in the premise that IT’S NOT ABOUT ME.  Four words that can literally change your life; this I believe with all of my heart.  Every single time that I get out of my own head and out of my own way; I see clearly.  Whether I’m helping someone else, spending time with my children, praying, or even writing…..I come alive.  I become quickened in the spirit….more on that below.  As opposed to the times when I’m thinking about myself, my pain, my LACK of this and that, my LOSS…….these thoughts lead to a dead end street…..every time.  It’s not about what we’ve done, what we are doing or even what we are going to do.  It’s ALL about what Christ did on the cross.  He did that for ME….FOR YOU……and for every human being on this planet. 

This is the truth or Red Pill I am referring to……the beauty and the power of God through Christ.  The Holy Spirit lives inside me now and I have NO CHOICE but to fight back.  To fight for my children, to fight for my legacy, and to fight for others who may be affected by similar circumstances…….and could potentially gleam something by reading my words and through my testimony.  That is what this is about; and I am walking on air now that I have recaptured that notion.  This is why I’m writing today, this in why I’m back on track, and this is who I am.  A man struggling for the authenticity that aligns with his purpose.  A man broken in need of a Savior.  A man who is patiently and arduously attempting to live out and carry out the mission God has put forth.  My own personal Matthew 28 mission; to become a disciple, to lead by example, and to help others.  Bottom Line.

If you have ever watched the movie the Matrix; there’s a very critical and distinctive scene you will remember.  Here’s the famous line from Morpheus to Neo:

This is your last Chance. After this, there is no turning back. You take the blue pill, the story ends. You wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you stay in Wonderland and I'll show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes..... Remember, all I'm offering you it's the truth, nothing more

Now, I’m pretty sure he wasn’t taking about Christianity here, but you get the point.  THE TRUTH.  The TRUTH will absolutely set you free.  As I write this today; I AM FREE.  The chains are off, the pen is flowing, and I’m ready to go back to living my purpose.  I’ve tried the Blue Pill; living the lies of this world, paying too much attention to what others think about you, trying to keep up with others, and utilizing your own self-proclaimed strategies to live your life.  The Blue Pill doesn’t work.  If you are confused about this; reach out to me and we can have a discussion.  An open invitation to all. 

Another amazing revelation I uncovered today through my devotionals was that PRIDE can slip back very quickly if you’re not careful.  The worst sin of all, and the one that gets many of us caught in its deceitful web.  Pride and Ego; kind of one in the same.  My realization today jumped out and grab me tightly when I stumbled upon the word “quickening.”  You see, when I emerged from rehab a few years ago, I felt like God was accelerating the pace of my transformation and I made the mistake of thinking it was because I was doing so well.  I was BACK on track, and this “feeling” caused me to make many poor decisions.  I was confusing the word quickening with the verse in the Bible that to God a thousand years is like one and one is like a thousand.  He has no concept of time; He just is.  What a huge mistake; and this flaw in my thinking opened up the floodgates of pride and ego; and I was……again……off to the races.  When I started researching quickening this morning; the REAL meaning of the word provided me with a sense of pause, clarity, understanding…..and ultimately HOPE.  What I unpacked is that the word quickening means to come alive; it’s not a time element; it’s a purposeful emotion or feeling one gets from living in the spirit.  Sort of exactly how I feel now; alive in the Holy Spirit; which gives me the authenticity and strength to write these words today.  Here’s an acronym that defines what the word QUICKEN mean to me:

 

·         Q – Quietly inspired

·         U – Upbeat and alive

·         I – Invigorated and stirred

·         C - Changed and stimulated

·         K - Keely vitalized

·         E - Energized and excited

·         N - Notably animated

These are all things that I feel now that I know the TRUTH, the Red pill is swallowed and lives in me, and being able to share my thoughts with you feels right today.  My prayer for you is there would be something in this message that inspires you to follow Christ.  Something that stirs inside of you or maybe even an understanding of what could be on the other side of your pain.  You see, as I sit here and write this, none of my circumstances have changed.  I’m still in a tight spot, but I have faith that God will pull me through.  He has me on the right path; just like Moses; who said in Numbers 16:28

“By this you shall know that The Lord has sent me to do all of these works; for I have not done them of my own will”

I’ve tried things my way; and whenever I fall back it’s because my pride takes me back to doing things my way.  However, I know unequivocally, taking the Red Pill was the best decision I’ve ever made; to follow Christ.

Dear Father; use me as your vessel to share the Good News of Jesus Christ; to potentially change the direction of those I encounter through my personal endeavors, my writings, and the way I live my life. 

This is the enduring legacy I want to leave.  Even through all of my afflictions and failures; I can still be used by God though the power of the Holy Spirit.  So can you!!!

Peace and Love to all; Tony