Searching for the Light!!!

Last weekend I went up to Myrtle Beach to visit my mom for Mother’s Day.  Over the last several days I’ve had the opportunity to reflect upon my visit; and my contemplation and inspiration as a result of my visit has given birth to these words today.  It was great to see my mom, my sister, her husband and their children. They each offered their own perspective and support regarding my current plight; and weather it’s solicited or not; it comes from a place of love; and a family’s love cannot be mistaken. A mother’s love is so unconditional; even though the conversations don’t always go perfectly; the underlying love still gives me a warm sensation.  I’ve been going through some really dark days recently, and I thought that spending time with family would help; and that perhaps I find some “light” by spending time with those who love me.

I also had an opportunity to visit with my ninety year-old father, who is in the hospital; recovering from some complications from a prior procedure.  He is in a bit of a downward spiral, seems to be losing some of his faculties; and some early-stage dementia is starting to develop.  Watching my dad struggle through conversations provided me with a glimpse into my own life and how quickly life goes by.  It was just a moment ago when my dad was watching me play ball; he NEVER missed a game.  And although our relationship hasn’t always been the greatest; God showed me the love I still have for him, deep inside, sitting by his side. I was glad to get to see him and I continue to pray that God will watch over him during this time in his life.  Another opportunity for me to find some light.  You see, through my father’s struggles I can see God’s grace as well as a reminder for me to try and refocus and pick myself up.
Another reason why I decided to make the trip was to see my niece who was graduating from college.  She has been through an incredibly difficult time over the last several years, and I wanted to help her celebrate her accomplishment.  I surprised her by being there, and she seemed very happy that I was able to attend her year-end art show.  She was able to get her art degree and I will say without any bias her talent is truly amazing; as evidenced by the fact that she won “best in show” at the exhibition.  I was there to see all of the art, and although I admit to being a bit of a novice regarding art; her work was not only amazing but completely inspiring.  I was blown away by the experience and her written explanation of how she created her latest work was the catalyst that has lead me to write this piece.  Another opportunity for “light.” Here is just part of her written piece that was displayed next to her art:

I like starting with a black surface and finding the light.  I see light moving out of the shadows from the all-consuming darkness.  High contrast images catch my interest, because they express something powerful and very distinctive.  I see it as catching a glimpse of the skeleton of something, or its essence in a different way.  The bareness of this black and white contrast is revealing and enlightening.  The purpose of contrast ties into what I make, I take something comforting like tableware and juxtapose a built-in human association and rattle it up with disturbing imagery. The intent is to provoke thought and suggest an overall cohesive work that explores two extremes, bonding them together”
I was captivated by this explanation by my very talented niece.  Her writing was incredible and not only gave me insight into her work; but it also gave me personal perspective on my own life and how (why) I continue to try and search for the light in my darkness.  The process she goes through to create these masterpieces has an interesting connection to the process we tend to go through as humans trying to overcome pain and the objections in our lives.  She basically molds the clay from scratch, cooks it, paints it black; and then proceeds to carve out the white (or light) from the cold and dark surface.  The results are remarkable and I was honored to be there to help her celebrate her accomplishment.

While I was driving home from my trip I started thinking about the incredible message, through the light, that God is showing me through the analogy of my niece’s work and the way through my recent pain and suffering.  I also realized that the things I do to carve out the white from my black continue to be the grout that keeps my tiles aligned.  Sharing, writing, being transparent about my difficulties in a attempt to not only help myself through; but to potentially help others who may experience similar plights.......these are the tools I use to create my art and to illuminate the light that is always there through Christ.  This is what I am supposed to do; my mission so to speak.  The more I go through this life; the more I understand what God is telling me.  The fact that He is sovereign and that my struggles are a necessary component of not only my growth; but ultimately; my faith.  That, no matter what I go through; my God is there carrying me on his shoulders.  He is my refuge, my strength, and my provider.  And believing in that simple premise can bring the light out of any dark place.  Does any of this sound familiar?  We all go through times in our lives where the darkness overshadows the light.  Some of us tend to wallow in the pain to the point where it becomes an actual “comfort zone” for us.  I know I’ve been there.  It’s quite often easier to just sit there and do nothing; waiting for things to happen.  But we all come to realize that that just doesn’t work; we have to move.  But we are not alone; God is always there….if we choose a path that has us following Him.  It doesn’t matter the plight, the time of your life, or even the severity of what you’ve done.  Jesus came to earth to spend time with sinners; not the ones who seemed to have it all figured out.  It’s a process; one that will be riddled with pain, self-doubt, and a mountain of struggles as we navigate our life’s path.  
What I’m learning is that God has my back.  He will carry my pain, my weakness, and my suffering and He will do the same for you.  If you are reading this today and you are wondering where to go for strength; just look up.  Each and every one of us, regardless of what we believe now; has an opportunity to seek Christ and ask him to come into your heart and lead you.  Lead you to a place that will be perfect.  A place with no pain and suffering. A place that, when we arrive, we will look back upon our difficult times and realize that they were nothing but circumstances laid out in front of us to show us that God was always there to pull us through.  Does this mean once we turn to Christ that life will automatically get better?  Certainly not, for many of us life will get harder and our troubles will just be illuminated by the fact that we are now acutely aware of how our sinful nature effects our lives and the lives of those around us.  But there is HOPE.  Christ promises that His Holy Spirit will live inside us; and will ultimately protect us and guide us to the light.  All we have to do is keep moving forward and keep believing.  A lesson that I have much more appreciation for after my weekend with my family.  A lesson that I’ve learned from a graduating art student who so eloquently and unknowingly, through her art, gave me inspiration that the white reflections I see come directly from Christ.  It’s through Christ that I can do ALL things!!  I can rest on His shoulders; and this closing video below so beautifully wraps a ribbon around my message today.  I hope you enjoy.

Peace and Love; Tony

 
 

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