Thankful for the Opportunity to Give (and to share)

Well, it’s Black Friday and as I sit here pondering this piece I’m about to write, I am thankful to be home with my kids.  Alexander, Andersen, and I are getting ready to engage in a highly competitive Madden tournament, and after what I encountered yesterday, I am both humbled and happy.  Humbled regarding what I’m about to share and happy that I am not out shopping today.   

You see, yesterday, I spent most of the day delivering turkey dinners to some of the less fortunate people in the city of Jacksonville.  This was actually not my original plan.  Since I really didn’t have anything to do (my kids were with their mom), I decided to volunteer my time on Thanksgiving Day to serving others.  I went to my local church here in Fleming Island on Sunday and inquired about opportunities to help out and asked where they could possibly use my assistance.  I figured that rather than sitting around, watching football, and feeling sorry for myself, I would get out of my own head and spend some time helping others.  My church (Christ Church) had nothing planned for Thanksgiving Day, but told me that there was a church in Orange Park (1^st Baptist) that has an enormous Thanksgiving Day outreach program.  They directed me just to show up before noon on Thursday, and the team there would put me to work. 

When I showed up, I was amazed at the size of this operation.  There were literally hundreds of volunteers already there, and I could tell the project was a big deal.  After a few minutes, I finally found the person in charge and asked where help was needed.  At first she said to go into the kitchen and see if they needed help prepping the food.  But when I arrived in the kitchen, I could barely move due to the gaggle of folks (like me) all waiting for instructions.  I waited there about 10 minutes, and after seeing no movement, I decided to search around for other opportunities to help.  I went outside into the parking lot to see if they needed help showing people where to park, but when I got there, there were a dozen people already on the job.  The guy in charge outside said that I should find someone named Julio, as he might need some help serving food to the homeless that were to arrive between noon and 2PM.  I noticed that they were already starting to arrive, so I rushed back inside to see if I could make myself useful.  When I arrived back inside and finally found Julio, he was surrounded by about 50 people awaiting instructions.  I was about to give up and go home, but that would defeat the purpose of setting out to serve on this day.  These people were all so enthralled in their tasks; it was very difficult for them to add new volunteers in the mix.  One of the folks I spoke with said they signed up to help weeks ago, and were assigned a task, which made sense due to the tremendous amount of people; both the people being served and the volunteers. 

I was determined to help, so I decided to do what I do best, and sat down at one of the tables and started talking with some of the homeless people waiting to be served.  I introduced myself, and starting engaging in conversation with the five folks sitting at the table.  I was amazed to witness how grateful these people were, and also how communicative and friendly.  Each one of them introduced themselves, told me where they were from, and what lead them here today.  I was encouraged by them and shared a little about myself, my family, and why I was there.  They seemed to be equally impressed with me as I was with them, and this was just the beginning of a great day for me.  It was soon going to get even better.

After a few minutes, the volunteers started serving food.  One of the kind volunteers asked me what I wanted (perhaps it was my ball cap and sweatpants attire), and even though I was really hungry at this point, I told them I was a volunteer and that I was just sitting here talking with this fine group of people.   As I was getting up, she told me that I should go to the back of the room and see Dan.  She said that Dan was short of a few drivers to make some food deliveries throughout the community.  I went up to Dan, who I could tell was really busy and anxious, and asked if I could help.  He immediately put a piece of paper in my hand, which included several meal deliveries and sent me back to the kitchen. 

I gave my paperwork to the kitchen staff, loaded up my car, and I was on my way.  Dan didn’t have time to provide me with any directions, not that he had the time anyway, but the piece of paper told me all I needed to know.  The address, the person’s name, and how many meals to deliver.  I was off to serve the community, and feeling really good that I finally had an assignment. 

I went to several homes, shelters, apartment complexes, etc.…. and had the most amazing day.  These people were so grateful, most of them obliged me with the conversation I seek, and overall I was overcome with emotion.  One of the women was actually working that day in a lower income apartment complex and couldn’t get out to get any food.  Someone in the church community had the presence of mind to arrange to get a meal to her, and she had a great big smile on her face when I delivered the food.  She said that she didn’t have any family around, and that I absolutely made her day. I expressed to her that it was her who made my day, and we proceeded to have a brief conversation about our respective families and lives.  She was grateful and genuinely concerned as to where I was going to eat dinner, which made me feel special in that moment.  Human being’s at their finest, sharing and caring for each other even though we had never met.  It was a very rewarding experience for me.  Yes me, who has historically only cared about eating, watching football, and taking a nap on Thanksgiving Day.  This day was different, and I didn’t feel sorry for myself the entire day (while I was out …that is).

As if my day couldn’t get any more rewarding, my last stop of the day was unbelievable and truly one of the most unexpected encounters of my life.  I delivered the last turkey dinner to the home of David in quite an undesirable part of downtown Jacksonville.  It was later in the day, and I wondered if David knew when the food would arrive, and I was hoping that it wasn’t too cold by now.  David answered the door and I introduced myself.  He was immediately very grateful and asked me if I wanted to come in.  I told him I would, but warned him that I was concerned that his food was getting cold and he didn’t seem to care. 

He asked me to sit down, offered me a bottle of water, and we settled into one of the most interesting conversations I ever had. 

I could tell right away that David was not used to having company, and could also tell that he seemed to have made a very quick observation that I was the type of person that would be interested in what he had to say.  He was right.  Something inside me had prepared me for this conversation, well before I arrived.  You see, I quite often tell myself (and others) that after my metamorphosis a few years back, that I believe that part of my actual purpose in life is to make a significant contribution to as many people as I can.  In my heart, I believe that, but the people that I touch have been people woven into the fabric of my life through family, work relationships, and social encounters.  TODAY, that would change.  Perhaps, subconsciously, I was seeking a new direction, and new relationships, OUTSIDE my usual sphere of influence.  As I look back on yesterday, I am quite sure that’s the message God wished to convey to me on this very special Thanksgiving Day.

David started talking with me right way, about his family, about his health issues, about his loneliness and depression, and mostly about how he plans to recover.  I was captivated by David’s story, even though he had difficulty with his breathing, and definately had some major health concerns.  I can remember thinking to myself, there is NO WAY that I would even enter into a conversation with someone like David 5 years ago, and the warmth I felt inside has lingered since and is now being spewed on this paper.   David had his own interior design business, a wife, and two beautiful daughters, until drugs took over his life just 6 short years ago.  He lost his family, his business, and almost his life after several failed suicide attempts.  He has lost many of his teeth, can barely breathe, and has trouble walking.  However, he told me that he is much better now than he was a year ago while he was still in the hospital.  An old friend of his, who owns the house he lives in, has been kind enough to rent it to him for a very small amount.  He has also taken in another renter, and with his SS money, he now actually has enough money to live.  He is on Medicaid, gets food stamps, and seems to be forging his way back into society.  He also repairs computers for people when he can, although he doesn’t’ really have access to many people since he can’t drive.  He only sees his daughters once in a while, as their mother has turned them against David, his side of the story.  I could tell by listening to David that he had a high degree of intelligence.  He had a great vocabulary, was very clear in his mind about what happened, and seem to be doing his best to get his life back on track.  When I asked what I could do the help (without a real plan in mind), he replied, “you already are…. now.”  Wow…how cool is that? 

After an hour or so, I reminded David about his food, and he wasted no time telling me that he can heat it up after I leave.  He then asked me the same question that the girl at the apartment asked, “Where are you going to eat today?”  When I told him that I hadn’t plan on eating anywhere, he asked me why.  I seized the opportunity to spend a few minutes to give David the Readers Digest version of my story, as I knew it was relevant in light of what he had just shared.  I explained to him that we weren't much different and that I also lost everything a few years back.  Although our circumstances were not identical, our plights had an eerie similarity, which created an immediate bond between David and I.  I was concerned that he might not be interested in my story, due to his detailed dialog about his, but I could feel his senses engage while he connected the dots in his own head between my story and his.  It was an unbelievably comforting encounter between two men who most likely would have never met.  After I told him about my new desire to help others after spending many years of only being interested in myself, he lit up like a Christmas tree and realized that the sheer fact that I was there helping him, delivering him a Thanksgiving meal, was about my recovery AND his recovery. 

After we finished that conversation, I asked him about faith, where he was with God, and that sent him into a bit of a tailspin.  I could tell that he wasn’t a believer, and in the moment, didn’t feel like now was the time for me to start preaching.  Heck, I’m not even sure if I am qualified for that at this point, but I was able to ease him down by explaining my long and detailed journey to faith.   He seemed satisfied and then asked me to come into the next room to look at something.  It was a poem from Pink Floyd (one of my all-time favs), from the song; Breathe

“Long you live and high you'll fly and smiles you'll give and tears you'll cry and all you touch and all you see is all your life will ever be.”

This was his way of telling me how he feels about life, and in this moment, I thought that this was OK, actually great for a guy trying to recover like David.  You see, he had the presence of mind to realize that I would be touched by that poem, knowing that I was a writer.  He was right, and we spent the next several minutes talking about 70’s and 80’s music, another thing we had in common. 

Finally, our conversation came to an end, we exchanged phone numbers, and I let him know to contact me if I could help him in any way.  I’m sure we will stay in touch. David has a long way to go, but so do many of us in our own way, I know I certainly do. We all face obstacles along the way, some (like David) have more to overcome than others, but right now, we are all dealing with something that’s blocking our path.  Having others to talk to, and to help us with these obstacles is great, and actually being the one who helps is even greater.  Trust me, it works.  The next time you are in pain, put it on the shelf, and help someone else.  When you return to your issue, it will either have diminished, or you now posses a new strength to deal with the issue.  What I call a win….win. 

All in all it was one of the most special days I have experienced, and although I missed my family (especially my children), I ended up spending the day exactly as I had intended and have been greatly impacted as a result.  So much so, I came up with this short poem to attempt to express my feelings in prose.  I hope it resonates:

It was Thanksgiving Day, and I was alone:

So I choose to give, not chew turkey off the bone

Of a life so complicated over the last several years;

That many days/nights alone bring me to tears

But they quickly dry as I endeavor to fight;

For my kids, my destiny, my purpose, and try as I might

Things remain difficult and my providence still awaits

Until such time the man above decides it’s never too late

For me, or anyone, who decides to believe;

That life is meant to be lived, even though the web that we weave

Doesn’t always catch what we want, but we must continue to try:

Because our effort put forth, our desire, and our will to apply

Our God-given abilities will eventually help us prevail;

And our lives will be full and our vessels will sail

Peace to all….Tony