Capacity

Have you ever said to yourself, “How much more can one person handle?” Or maybe, “How much capacity do I really have?” Do you sometimes feel that the magnitude of your circumstances are just too much too bear? Do you feel that your life has become so complicated and the hole so deep that the light at the end of the tunnel has become unrecognizable? Well, if you have (or have had) these feelings of despair, you are certainly not alone. Most people have these feelings at some point in their lives, especially those of us facing mid life difficulties. Children growing up, parents aging, people in our lives dying, career changes, financial difficulties, relationship difficulties; just to name a few. The bottom line is that everyone has a story, and everyone deals with pain and hardship. The real question becomes, “How do we deal with it?” To dive even deeper, “Are we even built to deal with it?”

I was having lunch with the pastor of my church a few weeks back, and we talked about the quite often used phrase, “God will not give you more that you can handle.” We both agreed that this statement is just not true, and that God quite often gives you more than you can handle. Many of us are testament to this fact, and this premise has infiltrated our lives and invaded our space. We sometimes feel that the preverbial “hits keep coming” and we don’t really know why. We find that separating ourselves from our circumstances is really hard work, and next to impossible at times. We find ourselves losing faith, losing focus, and waiting on some sort of miracle to come along and rescue us from our negative space. It doesn’t take long for us to realize that only WE have the power to get ourselves back on track, and that having faith is the first step. The timing of this test period that God has in store for us is usually not in sync with our time clock, which is another topic my pastor and I discussed. “How long must I wait until things in my life get better?” He reminded me of the story in the bible about Lazarus. Lazarus was a good friend of Jesus, and when he was ill his sisters, Mary and Martha, sent for Jesus to come to their aid. But Jesus has different plans. When Jesus did not respond, Mary and Martha were very confused, and Lazarus died while they waited. Four days later, Jesus came, but it was too late. Jesus then asked them to open the tomb and resurrected Lazarus from the dead. You see, there was a greater plan in store from above, and the time frame he had in mind had no correlation with everyone else’s agenda. A good reminder for us that we must remain patient, one of the characteristics needed to handle a life of full Capacity.

I have been contemplating on the topic of Capacity for many years. You see, I have always had a very full and busy life, and took enormous pride in my ability to handle many items and juggle many balls. Having five children, a busy career that kept me traveling, and other hobbies kept me very occupied over the years. However, it wasn’t until my circumstances started taking a negative tone that I seemed to have lost my juggling skills. Job loss, divorce, and other negative forces took hold of my life, and it was those items that took center stage. So, this idea of Capacity has been on my mind for many years, and is never far from my thoughts.

So much so, that I have even considered writing my next book about the topic. I started thinking to myself about the characteristics one would need to build a “life cylinder” that was strong enough to handle everything that will be thrown at them throughout the course of their lives. A “fortress” or a “shield” sturdy enough to deal with all of the trials and tribulations that they are sure to confront. Here’s what I have come up with so far:

C – Communication – Being able to communicate is paramount to handling troublesome situations. So many times, we keep pressing items bottled up inside, sometimes for many years. What we find is that they are not going away on their own, and eventually, we are going to have to deal with them. Lack of communication can actually make our problems worse. Many people suffer from communication difficulties, but breaking through these challenges will be critical to achieving capacity success.

A – Attitude – This is a tough one for many people, including me. You see, attitude works both ways, positively and negatively. When my attitude is negative, what I find is that more negative things enter my life. When it’s positive, despite my circumstances, not only do I get through the day with more ease, it seems that the good things start to creep in. All in direct correlation to the way I am thinking. I love this old American Indian quote:

“Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is unhappy, insecure and full of doubt. The other dog is joyful and confident. The unhappy dog fights the joyful dog all the time. When asked which dog wins, he said, “The One I Feed the Most."

Attitude is a way of life and it contains your experiences, your environment, your opportunities, your problems, your choices, and your responses. Your attitude can become either the bolt that locks the door or the key that unlocks that same door. Which will it be for you?

P – Patience – As indicated above, our time schedules are not always consistent with how things actually work out in our lives. It seems to me that when I was a kid, the phrase; “patience is a virtue” had very little meaning and usually meant my parents were telling me I couldn’t have something I wanted. However, now that I am older and wiser (hopefully), this phrase has deep meaning in my life. The bible story of Lazarus above was a good lesson for me as I continue to deal with struggles in my life. What I have found is that having patience or "delayed gratification” has really helped me mature throughout the last few years. Either way, this will be a key element of building your cylinder.

A – Appreciation – How often do we focus on things we want rather than appreciating things we already have. This hits home for me, especially when I see health issues with friends and especially with their children. Having five healthy children coupled with the honor of having an opportunity to help shape their precious lives usually brings me back to center when I am feeling sorry for myself. It’s a good idea to have your “go-to” gratitude places in your memory bank. It will not only help you in tight spots, it will be a foundation post for your “capacity shield”

C – Contemplation – Whether it’s thought, meditation, prayer, or a combination of all (or some) of these, clearing time for contemplation will help you grow at any stage of your life. As we grow older and mature different things become important to us, and taking time to reflect upon those things requires work and commitment. Spending time alone, in thought, has become a very healthy and worthwhile time of day for me. Something that I never thought of doing in the past. I have learned so much about myself, what is important, and how each item relates to my life, just because I have taken the time to contemplate.

I – Intelligence – In order for us to be able to handle the intricacies of our lives, we must keep our brain power functioning at high levels. As we age, our brains (like our muscles) actually lose power. However, studies have shown that we can actually increase our brain power if we keep using it to its full capacity. Our quest is to learn flows in concert with our quest to improve, and ultimately equip ourselves with a stronger shell to deal with changes and challenges in our lives.

T – Tenderness – At our very core, we are all authentic and good. This is how we are made. Sure, many of stray off course at times, but keeping our hearts open to others will help us keep our own lives in check.

Y – Yield – I must admit, it was a bit of a challenge to keep my acronym theme going on my last item. There are not many words that start with “y” that I found poignant to the subject matter. However, when I came across yield, I thought, “perfect.” In order for us to truly build a cylinder that is able to handle a life of full capacity, we must learn to “let go”. We must learn to yield, in many cases to a higher power. For me, this has been to God. A good friend of mine used to say, “Let go and let God.” At first, I really didn’t get it. Actually to be honest, this is still hard for me to graps at times. However, what I have realized as that I can’t handle all of my problems alone. I need family, friends, and some spiritual help to get through difficult times. Don’t we all? We add so much pressure to our lives when we try and take it all on ourselves. Yielding is a way for us to release, recharge, and perhaps tackle the issue another time.

In my opinion, it’s always a good idea to take an inventory. My hope is that the items above might stir up something inside you that you may need to work on in order to build your ultimate “capacity cylinder” in a way that makes it capable of handling anything that gets thrown your way. I’ll leave you with a bit of good news to ponder from the great Confucius:

“The gem cannot be polished without friction nor the man perfected without trials.”