Another year gone by....
Another year has gone by.....or should I say....another “not so good” year. I remember joking around with many friends and colleagues last year, coining the phrase, “hate the 08.” As I look back on 2009, logistically speaking, it wasn’t much different....or better than 2008. The economy is still in bad shape, unemployment is still very high, and many people are still in recovery mode.....trying to figure out what exactly happened to them over the last few years. For me, the latter part of the year has been much better....and things are finally starting to head in the right direction. All I can say is, “it’s about time.” :)
I could go on and talk more about the negative aspects of the last two years, but those days are over for me. It’s just not productive to complain and/or talk about the negative aspects of your life. If you don’t believe me, remind me to tell you the story about the chicken and the pig the next time we talk. What is important is that you use these experiences as a frame of reference to help you decide when and how to make changes in your life. It is my firm belief that your life unfolds just the way it’s supposed to unfold. Your trials, tribulations, and ultimate “life path” are a combination of three things.....destiny, the decisions you make along the way, and your reaction to what happens. It’s really that simple. Sure, the last two years have been hard on many of us, but just look at all of the valuable life lessons we have learned at this critical juncture of our lives.
One of the key lessons that I have learned is to be grateful for what I have, as opposed to worrying about the things that I don't have. Somewhere along the line, I developed an all too common sense of entitlement. I thought that I somehow deserved more than I was getting in life.....even though I had so many things to be thankful for. I put a great deal of undue pressure on myself and others with my ridiculously high expectations. With that type of attitude, how can one ever become truly happy and/or grateful? Many of us fall into this trap, especially those of us who experience a good deal of success early in our lives/careers. Many times, what happens is that we lose ourselves on this journey, and build up some sort of plaster shell around our authentic selves as we morph into something different. Unconsciously, the layers of plaster continue to build up, and before you know it.....you have become a totally different person than you were meant to be. Sometimes, it’s noticeable to others, but others times it’s not. We can become very skilled at combining the inauthentic and authentic parts of ourselves. Certainly, it was that way for me. Success goes to your head, you get so closely associated with this “new person,” and your life path starts to head in a different direction. If you feel that you were there of that you might be headed there, remember this quote:
“Be careful not to build an unbreakable bond between what you do for a living and who you are as a person. It’s only the latter that matters. However, one who endeavors to build this bond in reverse order opens the door to limitless possibilities”
Finding out “who we are” is not such an easy task. It takes some people much longer than others to figure this out. Heck, some people never figure it out. They just sort of “jelly-fish” through life never really tapping into their true selves. In many cases, it takes some sort of tragic event or series of events to “shake them up” in an attempt to uncover who they were always meant to be. The key point here is to work hard to figure this out as soon as you can. If you have children, this is one of the most fundamental parenting functions that gets past up along the way. Everyone is different and everyone has a path. Young children need help finding their way. Teenagers, young adults, even “not so” young adults need help finding their way. It’s a true blessing to figure this out, but it is hard work. I have spent the last few years trying to figure out where I went wrong. What I realized, after careful evaluation, is that I didn’t stray as far off course as I originally thought. I just made some bad choices, which is very common for most of us. However, once we figure this out, the real test is....what will we do about it? What will we change? This is both a challenge and a gift at the same time. Don’t let it pass you by as you head into the New Year.
So....now we embark upon a new decade. I am very excited for the possibilities of 2010 and beyond. I hope you are as well. I am excited because I have prepared myself to meet new opportunities with a “plaster-free” version of myself. A version that no longer gives into the ego, temptations, and bad habits of the past. A version that feels very grateful for what I have. Five beautiful and healthy children, a family who loves and supports me, a renewed sense of faith, awesome friendships throughout the country, and a brand new job that has re-ignited the flames of my career. I recently have had the opportunity to start traveling again for business. This may not seem like a big deal, but it is for me. You see, in the past, I took all of this for granted. The nice hotels, the great meals, the expense account, the opportunity to visit different places to meet new people and reconnect with old friends. I look at some of these young business people in the airports, and feel compelled to go up to them and say, “Do you realize what you have here? Do you know that this could all be taken away in a heartbeat?” I imagine that they will figure it out along the way. I only hope it doesn’t happen to them as it did to me and so many of my friends and colleagues. I only hope that they can learn, early on, that it’s about who they are....and not about what they have....or what they do. Either way, it will all happen the way it’s supposed to happen.
I am hopeful that each one of you reading this message can reflect on the last few years and come away with some new strategies to become more grateful, more contemplative, and ultimately happier. Please know that I will be pulling for you as so many of you have pulled for me over the last few years. Your support has been overwhelming, and I am grateful to know each and every one of you.
Happy New Year……Tony
I could go on and talk more about the negative aspects of the last two years, but those days are over for me. It’s just not productive to complain and/or talk about the negative aspects of your life. If you don’t believe me, remind me to tell you the story about the chicken and the pig the next time we talk. What is important is that you use these experiences as a frame of reference to help you decide when and how to make changes in your life. It is my firm belief that your life unfolds just the way it’s supposed to unfold. Your trials, tribulations, and ultimate “life path” are a combination of three things.....destiny, the decisions you make along the way, and your reaction to what happens. It’s really that simple. Sure, the last two years have been hard on many of us, but just look at all of the valuable life lessons we have learned at this critical juncture of our lives.
One of the key lessons that I have learned is to be grateful for what I have, as opposed to worrying about the things that I don't have. Somewhere along the line, I developed an all too common sense of entitlement. I thought that I somehow deserved more than I was getting in life.....even though I had so many things to be thankful for. I put a great deal of undue pressure on myself and others with my ridiculously high expectations. With that type of attitude, how can one ever become truly happy and/or grateful? Many of us fall into this trap, especially those of us who experience a good deal of success early in our lives/careers. Many times, what happens is that we lose ourselves on this journey, and build up some sort of plaster shell around our authentic selves as we morph into something different. Unconsciously, the layers of plaster continue to build up, and before you know it.....you have become a totally different person than you were meant to be. Sometimes, it’s noticeable to others, but others times it’s not. We can become very skilled at combining the inauthentic and authentic parts of ourselves. Certainly, it was that way for me. Success goes to your head, you get so closely associated with this “new person,” and your life path starts to head in a different direction. If you feel that you were there of that you might be headed there, remember this quote:
“Be careful not to build an unbreakable bond between what you do for a living and who you are as a person. It’s only the latter that matters. However, one who endeavors to build this bond in reverse order opens the door to limitless possibilities”
Finding out “who we are” is not such an easy task. It takes some people much longer than others to figure this out. Heck, some people never figure it out. They just sort of “jelly-fish” through life never really tapping into their true selves. In many cases, it takes some sort of tragic event or series of events to “shake them up” in an attempt to uncover who they were always meant to be. The key point here is to work hard to figure this out as soon as you can. If you have children, this is one of the most fundamental parenting functions that gets past up along the way. Everyone is different and everyone has a path. Young children need help finding their way. Teenagers, young adults, even “not so” young adults need help finding their way. It’s a true blessing to figure this out, but it is hard work. I have spent the last few years trying to figure out where I went wrong. What I realized, after careful evaluation, is that I didn’t stray as far off course as I originally thought. I just made some bad choices, which is very common for most of us. However, once we figure this out, the real test is....what will we do about it? What will we change? This is both a challenge and a gift at the same time. Don’t let it pass you by as you head into the New Year.
So....now we embark upon a new decade. I am very excited for the possibilities of 2010 and beyond. I hope you are as well. I am excited because I have prepared myself to meet new opportunities with a “plaster-free” version of myself. A version that no longer gives into the ego, temptations, and bad habits of the past. A version that feels very grateful for what I have. Five beautiful and healthy children, a family who loves and supports me, a renewed sense of faith, awesome friendships throughout the country, and a brand new job that has re-ignited the flames of my career. I recently have had the opportunity to start traveling again for business. This may not seem like a big deal, but it is for me. You see, in the past, I took all of this for granted. The nice hotels, the great meals, the expense account, the opportunity to visit different places to meet new people and reconnect with old friends. I look at some of these young business people in the airports, and feel compelled to go up to them and say, “Do you realize what you have here? Do you know that this could all be taken away in a heartbeat?” I imagine that they will figure it out along the way. I only hope it doesn’t happen to them as it did to me and so many of my friends and colleagues. I only hope that they can learn, early on, that it’s about who they are....and not about what they have....or what they do. Either way, it will all happen the way it’s supposed to happen.
I am hopeful that each one of you reading this message can reflect on the last few years and come away with some new strategies to become more grateful, more contemplative, and ultimately happier. Please know that I will be pulling for you as so many of you have pulled for me over the last few years. Your support has been overwhelming, and I am grateful to know each and every one of you.
Happy New Year……Tony
Thank you for the inspiration, Tony. It seems that everything you write, I feel in some ways I am writing too. I have been struggling in my career and have come to the realization that chasing money and prestige is not working for me. I have so many things I want to accomplish, it seems overwhlming at times. It is nice to know I am not alone. I am looking forward to 2010 and all of its liimitless possibilities.
ReplyDeletevery nice, I like how u describe removing the built up 'plaster' and how the 'gratefullness' seems to fill that space. Also, once we have started some changes, and begin to see a new path there, how will we traverse the path with our new found changes within, and how ultimately do those changes change us...?
ReplyDelete..hopefully w new found wisdom and freedom to be more of who we really are.
;)
I am proud to have you as a brother and a friend as well.. Blessings abound in 2010....marge
ReplyDeleteLoved your new blog. I can completely relate to almost everything you wrote. It's funny because I reacted the same way as you on the travel thing. I feel so fortunate now when I travel. I look at it very differently now. Our last 3 years were such a challenge. I am so greatful for where we are now. I will forever be changed for the better because of what we experienced in the last couple of years. I hope you and your family have a wonderful 2010! Thanks for inspiring!
ReplyDelete