My Back 9

The Ladder of Life

2012-03-08T14:53:00.005-08:00

Well, it's been a few months since my last piece. For those of you who have followed my writing over the last several years, my sincere gratitude. I embarked upon this writing journey about five years ago, and it’s my desire to continue to get better in an attempt to help myself through life as well as help others who may be experiencing similar challenges. What I have found is that it has also become an escape for me, and more importantly an opportunity for me to replace some of my prior bad habits with good habits that add value to my life and the lives of others. To set the stage for this topic, I am going to start with a reoccurring personal flaw, follow that up with a recent and timely remedy I've used to help me through the process of overcoming some current objections, and ultimately put it bow around it as I circle back to the meaning and intent of this piece. After all, as the great Socrates once said;

"The stone doesn't get polished without friction, nor the man perfected without trials"

The flaw for me this time has a familiar tone, my ego that is, and how this connects to my writing, my relationships, and other aspects of my life. By the way, for those of you who have not tried this process, meaning writing down your flaws as well as how you plan on improving, you should try it...it is truly liberating. I had lunch with an old friend yesterday, and when my writing came up, I started grilling her on weather or not she read my book as well as my last blog. You see, remnants of my former enormous ego still linger and quite often I ask people when I see them if they have read my book, my last piece, blah.... blah.... blah. Really Tony? Anyway, that didn't make me feel very good about myself, and coupled with some other recent challenges, I started to pontificate on the matter. I started to wonder, as I am sure many of you do, if I do things just do get a reaction from others. You see; I have many great people in my life and I have always enjoyed the relational engagement that comes from discussing a difficult topic; especially if it's something that I have stirred up through my writing. There goes my ego again, having expectations of what someone else will do based on my actions, opinions, and need for attention. I have worked tirelessly on my ego over the last several years. For those of you who know me well, you can attest to that.

However, what I have realized is that this is lifelong battle, a lifelong test, and these lessons of challenges and improvements in life is what this piece is all about. This same premise holds true in almost all aspects of our lives, and the sooner we realize this, the better off we will be. Rather than beat myself up (another old bad habit), I started to put a realistic and positive spin on the situation. Whether it’s your ego, your finances, your relationships, your career, or any other aspect of your life; insecurity will rear its ugly head in times like this and you are again forced into the difficult task of trying to reconcile with the mirror. But don't fret, this is quite normal and everyone goes through it in one way or another. How you deal with it and what you do about it once you are aware, now that is where the proverbial rubber meets the road. You see; it's the process of life, the challenges in life, and the Ladder of Life that is important. In my view, one of the fundamental components of a happy and fulfilling life is the understanding that your happiness, your success, and your comfort comes in the realization that the climb or journey in life is what its all about. Once you figure that out, then you are able to deal with just about anything life throws at you.

How do I know? Well, my life is no different from yours in the aggregate. I don't consider myself special in any way compared to others, but I do spend quite a bit of time diving deep into my brain, spirit, and soul to try and identify with why things happen in my life and what I can do to actually make things better. Like many of you fine folks out there, I have been challenged greatly over the last several years, so much so that it's very difficult to just imagine myself on the Ladder. At times, I just want to jump off and head back to the place where my former bad habits reside. But it doesn't take me long to realize that it's just part of life, and I take back my proper rung and continue my climb.

I was inspired to write this piece by several things; a few incidents that happened over the last few days, and something I witnessed in my neighborhood as a bystander. The first involved some personal challenges in my life that do not seem to be improving, regardless of what I do. Three items in particular that I have tried so hard to overcome, yet seem unable to make marketed progress. Sound familiar? The second was seeing one of my neighbors climbing a Ladder in an attempt to repair a window on his second floor. All of the sudden it hit me, the Ladder is the secret. When you think of a Ladder, there is a bottom, a top, two sides, and many rungs strategically placed for you to climb in order to get to your destination. While I watched my neighbor (I don't even know him, I should change that) on the Ladder, it dawned on me right then and there that this was a really important event, and somehow I was able to make the connection to my other challenges and tie them together. He was actually only half way up the Ladder (sound familiar), and was fixing something on his window. He had no intention of climbing to the top; he was just focused on the task of repairing the window.

The lesson for me was that one of the most critical functions in life appears to be the ability to stay completely focused on one a task at a time without any attachment to the outcome. This is one of the true fundamental philosophies of the eastern world and something that we all seem to forget quite often. Just yesterday I was dealing with a situation with one of my children (one of the three items mentioned above), and had a very difficult time staying focused on the task. My mind kept drifting to a number of unrelated events regarding the past and the future, trying to place blame and identify with why this was happening. This is quite common, right? But I soon realized that once I lost my focus on the present, I immediately got frustrated, unfocused, angry, and in turn unable to deal with the situation properly. Imagine if we could all harness the power of staying alert and aware of the Ladder Rung that is right in front of us? To come to the realization that where we are, right here, right now, is ALL that matters. Wouldn't we be better off? Wouldn't we be able to get along better with each other, and get things done with greater efficiency and clarity?

WOW. What a fantastic goal to try and achieve. A lofty goal, yes, but nevertheless a worthwhile endeavor. Would you agree? Would you also agree that if we just could understand that one of our fundamental goals in life is to focus on each moment, each rung of the Ladder, and it's that functionality that ultimately makes up our own individual Ladders of Life. All we have to do is concentrate on one rung at a time, one moment at a time, one task at a time. Go ahead, take a moment and imagine looking at yourself on that Ladder. I am reminded of a trick I learned from reading The Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle, that talked about the premonition that you could actually go outside yourself and watch yourself as you completed a task. When I look at myself on the Ladder, I can see clearly that I need to stay focused on my footing, my balance, and the task at hand that needs to be completed. Another great thing about the Ladder is that once you get to a certain height, you need someone to hold the bottom, right? So the notion here is NOT that you need to tackle things on your own. It is YOUR Ladder, but when you need to get to a higher rung, you need to rely on others to reach a higher point. You need to rely on God (or your place for spiritual strength). In the end, you don't need to climb alone; you should rely on others to help you in all difficult situations. However, you do need to realize that your ultimate happiness depends on your own ability to at least understand that life resides on the Ladder, climbing and holding on to each rung at a time, completing each mission with determination and clarity, until another task comes along. Don't focus on the bottom, don't focus on the top, stay aware of each side, keep your hands and feet steady, and stay totally focused on what is right in front of you. Peace to ALL.......Tony

Journey's Desire

2011-12-25T10:29:00.000-08:00

I awoke last night with a vision for the New Year that has held me captive since 3AM this morning. The way I see it, the only way to break free is to write about it, and share my vision with YOU. The two words that penetrated my mind last night were Journey’s Desire. I have a strange habit of putting words together that usually don’t go together, because for some reason it helps me find the point of the arrow on a particular topic. Once I had the words down, I was able to get some much needed Christmas Eve sleep. You see, I am getting my five children later today, so I need to be prepared for Christmas at Dad’s (something I will talk more about later.) As soon as I woke up, the thoughts poured back in, so here they are in written form:

This morning, my thoughts came into focus about the concept of Journey and the fact that “making the effort to live” our journey is truly the secret to life. As I thought about all that is going on in my life, I soon realized that I was actually living my life as it was meant to be lived, not because of destiny or anything like that, but because of the “effort” that I have put into learning about myself and doing the things I am supposed to do.

If you think of your Journey in the form of a noun that lies at the core of your existence, then it’s quite natural to attempt to identify with the “desire” this Journey of ours has and what that means for our lives. In my view, your Journey’s Desire is all about the effort you put in to understanding yourself, to finding your purpose for your life, and to finding the correct path (which may be several) to lead you to that purpose. This simple concept is what life is all about and your personal Journey has strong Desire for you to LIVE your purpose.

The issue here is that many people don’t know what their purpose is, because they don’t try hard enough to uncover this for themselves. However, what many people find is that once they identify with the fact that are actually living this journey and trying to find their purpose, they soon realize that this is the key that unlocks this door, and they are home free.

It’s perfectly normal for one not to know what their life’s purpose is; it’s quite difficult to uncover - especially for people who have been led astray by others, live their life for others, or become what they think they should be due to outside influences. As soon as they see this as truth for themselves, all they have to do is start the “process.” Once they start the process of finding themselves, and head down the path with focus and a strong effort, they soon realize that this “effort” is what Journey’s Desire is all about.

Our Journey wants this for each of us, which is why we are each made so individually perfect in God’s eyes. We were each made to fulfill a destiny and a purpose. To NOT find out what it is is a mistake - one that leads towards depression, insecurity, and a difficult life overall. If you don’t uncover this for yourself, you will live your life with the feeling of “where do I fit in” or “why do I feel this way.” This is especially true and poignant this time of year, when everyone is supposed to be happy.

For a point of reference, I will explain what this means in my life. This time of year is usually quite difficult for me, but this year has been a little different due to my “effort” and my approach.

Being divorced, having five children, not having extended family close, and other factors usually weigh on me heavily around the Holidays; so much so, that over the last three to four years I just hold my breath and hope it ends soon. This year I took a different approach and for the first time since I’ve been on my own, I feel more content today (Christmas Day) than I have in many years.

I actually went out with my kids and got a real Christmas tree, something that I haven’t done in five years. We all went together to get new ornaments, lights, and other decorations for the house. We decorated the tree together, listened to Christmas music, and really had a nice time. I’m sure many folks who get divorced go through this, but starting over with the whole Holiday thing can prove to be daunting, especially for men - or men like me, I should say. (Don’t mean for this to be a sexist statement, but I believe women just do a better job with this stuff.)

I also went shopping on my own for Christmas gifts, another difficult task for me. However, this time I had a list of items, put a plan together, and executed this very small task that others would consider laughable, but for me, doing these types of things has always been foreign at best. I just never had the desire or skill set and usually had someone else do them; that was just the way it was. But as we all know, things change, and we must change with them.

What I realized is that I was just standing still around the Holidays, waiting for it to be over. The truth is that I was just being weak, and more importantly I wasn’t creating any lasting memories for my children. I should mention here, that I had some very close friends who helped me see this clearly this year, and I received some very sage advice to get a REAL tree, to focus on the gift giving, and to work harder to create lasting memories for my children. Thanks, by the way; you know who you are.

What I can tell you is that by accomplishing these small tasks that I had always taken for granted, I realized that this truly was my Journey’s Desire. Tackling this project, one I had not been able to do before, really felt good. It didn’t matter how big or small it was; that’s the point of this message - just by trying to do better, trying to bring more joy to my children, trying to do the right thing - the “effort” is what counts.

I feel better this year around the Holidays for a number of reasons, but mostly it’s because I am making better choices, I am living my life, and I believe that my Journey would be proud. In addition to tackling the Holiday piece with more desire and zeal than I have historically, I am also in the process of realizing another dream. As many of you know, I have just starting my own coaching and consulting firm, Affinity5. This has been a long time dream for me and it’s becoming a reality. Just taking the leap into having my own business has invigorated my life. I feel free, alive, and totally on the right path that will lead me to my purpose. I have spent countless hours analyzing my life over the last few years, and have put forth the necessary “effort” to make my life better. Now, I’m in the position I was always meant to be in, to help others. This is what my Journey wants for me. What does yours want for you?

In the end the control we have over our lives is powerful if we just keep fighting, keep trying, and keep a strong and steady focus on improvements. This is key:

“The dedicated effort on being the best we can be,
through our actions and deeds,
is the secret to happiness and success”

Here’s to an awesome 2012!
PEACE….Tony

A special Thanksgiving note to those who truly make a difference

2011-11-16T14:55:00.000-08:00

As we head into this Thanksgiving week and as I ponder over the tragedy happening at Penn State University, a deep feeling of gratitude has swept over me towards the team of people that watch over my children on a daily basis. So much so, that I feel compelled to communicate this note to all faculty members of Pathways Elementary, Stanford Middle School, and Orange High School. All five of my children (yes 5, that’s not a typo) have gone through Pathways and two of them are still there. I have two that have gone through the middle school (one is there now) and two that are currently at Orange High. Due to some extenuating family circumstances (which for the most part have been self inflicted by me), I have lost touch with the school systems that watch over my children on a daily basis. My message today is a heartfelt message of appreciation, gratitude and admiration for the job you do each day educating and protecting my children. Teachers and faculty members who work tirelessly, each day, to ensure that my children are properly educated, safe and prepared to take the next step in their journey through life. This note today is dedicated to all of you great folks at these three fine educational facilities in Hillsborough, NC.

Yesterday, I read the grand jury report in the Jerry Sandusky case in its entirety. To be honest, as a parent, I’m not sure that I would recommend that you read through this, but for me I just had to know the details that surrounded this unbelievable tragedy. I literally got sick to my stomach as I read about the nine victims in the report, each accompanied by graphic details of the manipulative nature of this evil man. These poor boys, who were already in a compromising life position in their own right, had to endure such confusing and persuasive attention from an adult whom they trusted. What they must be going through now is painful to imagine, and recounting the events to the grand jury must have been torturous. As with most parents, when I hear about things like this, my thoughts turn inward to my own children. The emotions that align with these feelings are powerful for me as they would be for any parent, and I can’t imagine what these families must be going through. Despite all of my own personal family difficulties I face: distance from my children, losing touch with their daily activities, financial issues surrounding divorce and job loss, and other every day issues...none of this comes close to the maniacal components that accompany the abuse of children. I can’t remember hearing a more disturbing story about abusing children; most likely due to the fact that it surrounds such a high profile college like Penn State. The facts are still being disseminated, but my sense is that the tentacles of this incident reach very far and wide, and the perception of a Penn State “cover up” is unconscionable to me. We will be hearing about this for quite some time, and it will take a very long time for this school to recover. If I had a child there now, I may seriously think about removing them from the university, something that I believe many parents will be doing. I keep hearing compassion calls for Joe Paterno, and all I can think about are the children and their families. To be honest, the firing of Joe Paterno was a mandatory act, and I have a feeling that he will pay a much deeper price for not doing more at the time. I’m not making judgments here (or maybe I am...it’s hard not to when children are involved), and I am sure that Joe Paterno has done way more good than harm to young men. However, in my view, his legacy will be forever tarnished, that’s just the way I see it.

You may ask: “How is this relatable to our local educational facilities?” Well, for me; the incident in question was centered on an adult who was entrusted to take care of troubled children. Even though most of our children do not fall into that category, we do entrust these faculty members and administrators of our schools to watch over them each day. We entrust them to keep our children safe, out of harm’s way, and in a comfortable learning environment. This act takes tremendous effort, dedication, caring, and a deep sense of responsibility. Something that I, for one, have taken for granted for many years. Many people feel that just because they pay taxes, that the school systems are responsible to educate our kids. Part of that is true. However, the extra care and concern that these teachers take at these three schools is admirable. Even from afar, I have witnessed the caring and love that has been shown to my children over the years. As a matter of fact, just last week I was talking with my six year old daughter’s teacher. The excitement and joy she shared with me about how well my little girl was doing was very comforting and soothing to a father. Especially one who doesn’t get to spend as much time with his kids as he used to. I was overwhelmed by her enthusiasm as she showed me my daughter’s projects in the halls, and although the meeting was very brief, I left with a sense of pride (for my daughter) and great appreciation for her teacher. In another recent situation, I e-mailed my son’s third grade teacher about his report card a few days back. You see, I was concerned that since many of his grades went from 4’s to 3’s (Excellent to Good) that he was potentially struggling in his new grade. A day later his teacher responded in a manner conducive with what I have grown to expect from Pathway’s Elementary. She explained to me, in detail, that the switch from 2nd to 3rd grade was a huge leap for most children, that he was doing quite well, and that she fully expected to see his grades return to 4’s throughout the year.

In the end, the teachers, faculty members, administrators and all other school personnel deserve a great deal of respect and credit for what they do each and every day. I am hopeful that my letter reaches all of them as a message of thankfulness and hope. A message from a concerned, but very grateful father of five to the staff of each school that I hope resonates with those who read it and perhaps can elicit many more “thank you’s” from other parents who may share my thoughts about some of the real hero’s in our children’s’ lives.

With sincere gratitude, Tony Caico

Let’s see….Tragedy in Turkey or Snooky!!

2011-10-27T09:37:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine sent me a text the other day about some current events happening, more specifically the earthquake in Turkey. My radar is usually on high alert when it comes to world events, especially when so many people are involved. When I went to my computer to get an update on this tragic event, I was hit by the stark contrast of the TWO top stories of the day. Interestingly enough, the other top story of the day was that Snooky (of Jersey Shore fame) had recently published a new book. Forgive me that I don’t remember the title of this new Top Seller. You see, publishing a book is quite a difficult endeavor, and I wondered how Snooky seemed to have an easier time than I did getting her book to print. I guess I could look up the title of her new book like a detailed and thorough writer should, but I think I will pass. Trying not to get too caught up in myself, my second reaction was to quickly overlook this potentially very important and exciting event (sarcasm), and I quickly turned my attention to the events in Turkey. I was reading about the incredible story about the baby that was rescued from the rubble and thought to myself; WOW, now that is newsworthy. So were the detailed descriptions of what happened, how it had affected so many, and I was particualrly struck by the overall humanitarian component of this tragedy; items that typically touch my heart. My thoughts immediately turned inward and as I usually do when kids are affected, I thought about my own children. Similar to how many of you might have felt while viewing this news, I became thankful for my present situation, the health of my children, and not one thought about the current obstacles I face. It typically doesn’t take us very long to realize that our lives are really good in light of these types of events, and our prayers collectively go out to the folks affected.

A few hours went by, and as I was preparing to chair a sales meeting, the following question popped into my small North Carolina brain:

“If I were to poll 100 people, how many of them would open the “Snooky” headline before the “earthquake” headline. I ask a few people at work, and low and behold, many of them had the same thoughts as I had…….that more than half (maybe more) would have opened and read the Snooky piece first. As a matter of fact, many of these people probably opened the Snooky piece and didn’t even bother to read about the tragedy in Turkey. I can tell you, this DID NOT give me a good feeling about the general population. I actually got a little sick to my stomach wondering how and when we became so immune to tragedy, unaffected by what happens to others, and totally in awe and inspired by NOTHING. No offense to Snooky, I am sure she is a sweet girl, but come on folks…….really??

Go ahead, give yourself a litmus test right now, but instead of Snooky, replace it with your favorite celebrity. Quite a test...right? Does this mean that you are a bad person? Of course it doesn’t. But it does kind of hit home, doesn’t it? Have we really become immune to tragedy? If it doesn’t affect us directly, do we go about our daily lives without spending time to think about, pray about, or even pontificate over the thought of how all of these people will get on with their lives? Perhaps, the question is too general in nature, but it is my belief that it is incumbent upon us as humanitarians to embrace these events, try and put ourselves in their shoes, and most of all... to pay close attention to what is going on in the world.

I am in conversations quite often with people who really do not like watching the news, mostly because they are trying to stay protective of their space, their attitudes, and want to keep negativity out of their lives. It is not my place to be judgmental of these folks, but clearly I have a different approach. I embrace these types of events, as I feel it provides perspective, awareness, and the ever present knowledge that anything can happen...anytime...to anyone. For me, paying attention to these events actually helps me stay protective of MY attitude, my reactions to things, and gives me a glimpse into how other’s might feel, what they experience, and how their lives are affected as a result of tragedy. After all, the old saying; “there but for the grace of God go I” ……is really as true and poignant of a statement that exists. Regardless of your beliefs, these things could totally be happening to you. As a matter of fact, we all experience tragedy in some way, shape, or form at some point in our lives.

For those of you who have read my writing, you know that I spend quite a bit of time writing about adversity and how overcoming adversity is one of the fundamental components of living a full and happy life. It’s also one of the characteristics that I will cover in my new book, Capacity; which will be about the characteristics one needs to sharpen in an attempt to live a life of full capacity that leads towards happiness, fulfillment, and contentment. There is an old say (by Socrates I think):

“The stone doesn’t get polished without friction, nor the man perfected without trails.”

This is one of my all time favorites, and really hits home when I read about tragedy. I feel that there are reasons for everything, and as tragic as it may seem in the moment, at some point in time (in this life or the next) the reason will reveal itself. Our job is to accept it, pay attention to it, pray for those affected by it, and try and gather meaning in our own lives as a result of what we witness. Not sure you could get all of that from Snooky’s gripping new read (more sarcasm).

In the end, our obsession with celebrity I feel has become harmful to our humanity. The fact that these reality TV show personalities become rich and famous in our society is really embarrassing to me. No, I don’t think about it every day, and certainly don’t waste precious time worrying about what other people do. However, I do have a conscious, I do have a moral code, and I do have influence with many people; especially my five children. When I talk about this with them, I will be sure to express how I feel about the importance of staying focused and aware of the truly important things in life. You see, every single one of us has a responsibility to our fellow humans to share our thoughts, our opinions, and our feelings about inequities...not in a negative and judgmental way, but in a caring, thoughtful, and reflective way that shines a light in a place that resides deep inside all of us. A light that was meant to shine, and a message that can build momentum for things that are important to us. Because if it is important to you, I can guarantee it is equally important to many people in your circle and sharing your voice is one of the most important contributions you can make to your fellow man.

Peace

Rest in Peace Woodsie

2011-09-11T15:40:00.000-07:00

My words today come from a very sad and somber place. My dear friend and college roommate, Woodsie, died of a sudden heart attack last week, and I am still trying to come to grips with the fact that he is gone. He was such a vibrant personality; it’s hard for me to imagine the world without him in it. My writing today will not be able to scratch the surface of what this guy meant to me and countless others, but I feel compelled to share a short story about the biggest little guy I have ever known.

You see, Woodsie (Steven Woods) stood about 5 feet and 5 inches tall on a good day, but the height, breath, and scope of his impact on people was greater than you could ever imagine. We all have that one person in our circle who is “the guy” or “the girl”. Well, for our group (and for me in particular) it was always Steve. Whenever Woodsie was in the room, you could feel his presence, and so could everyone else. He had the absolute quickest wit and sharpest sense of humor of anyone I have ever known; and he was adored by ALL. People came from everywhere to celebrate his life last week, and I know he was smiling down on all of us, probably telling a few jokes to his new pals up north.

I first met Woods while playing soccer my freshman year in college. We were both defenders on the Dowling College soccer team, he was an outside back and I was a stopper. After a few weeks of getting to know each other, Woodsie moved into our dorm room and our lives changed forever. This little dude was an awesome soccer player and a stone cold defender; built like a bag of brinks. He was small in height, but solid as a rock, and no one would think to mess with him. Not only was he perfectly capable of defending himself, he was well protected by everyone, and had a following of loyal soldiers at his beckon call, me included. He was also a little on the crazy side (in an awesome and funny way), and would do things other’s wouldn’t dream of. For example, one night in college, he actually rode a bicycle around the ledge of the roof at the dorm. Seems so unbelievably ridiculous now, but back then it was the absolute funniest thing I had ever seen. My college experience was enhanced by his presence, and I know I am not alone. He was the absolute funniest person I have ever known, and would make me laugh until I cried. Just a few weeks ago while I was in NY we shared one of the best days we have had together in quite a few years. You see, Woodsie, Eddie, Tex, and I(our long time golf foursome)had an opportunity to play golf, go to dinner, and then finish the evening off listening to music and having a few drinks. It was an awesome day, and as he always did, Woodsie gave us many more precious memories that will live on forever. I feel so blessed that I got to see him that last time, and I will cherish that day as long as I live.

This guy took so many risks when he was younger, I would never imagine in a million years that this was the way he would go. The countless Woodsie tales put smiles on our faces as we celebrated his life, but the flow of tears overpowered the flow of tales as the reality of this tragedy started sinking in. This was a very difficult few days for me, but I was glad that I had the opportunity to be there to help console his family members and be there with many of my great friends from years ago. We had such a close group of guys back in the college days, and they were all there to honor the Woodman (Yes, he had many nicknames). As is typical of my experiences and my writing, I do my very best to find some inner message and silver lining in the face of adversity. One of those “silver linings” is that I got the chance to rekindle some of these great relationships, something Steven would want us to do. Move on with our lives, stay close to our family and friends, and enjoy life. I also got the chance to meet some of his family members I had never met, and even some of Woodsie’s new friends that came to pay their respects. It was amazing to me that he seemed to have the identical impact on everyone in his life. He made them laugh, was a loyal companion, and was always there if they needed anything. You wouldn’t recognize this if you didn’t know him, but he had such a tremendous sense of responsibility and respect for people. Those are the things I will remember about him.

This was Woodside’s favorite time of year. He loved all sports, but especially college football. A day of golf, college football, dinner and drinks, and he was in heaven. The place where he is now, watching over all of us. As I sit here and write this today, I feel comforted that he is in a better place. I will miss my good friend, and he will live inside me forever. As a final tribute to this great guy and one of the best friends I ever had, I wrote him the following poem:

Woodsie - College Football in Heaven

I will never forget the day we first met;
I was a young naïve freshman and you were soaking wet
From a head first dive into a puddle of mud;
I knew right then and there, the Woodman and I would be big buds
Pals through and through, it all started that day on the soccer field;
Your magnetic presence, your humorous dialog, I had no choice but to yield
To the power you held over all of us, then and especially now;
As we celebrate your life while searching deep for the strength that will allow
Us to remember the good times, for me they will endure;
Through my memories of you my dear friend, so tender and pure
A legacy that will live on forever, certainly for me;
A man privileged to have known you so well; it’s clear why I see
So many people here honoring your life, your family and friends;
All of us still deep in shock, hurting badly, but soon we will mend
And just contemplate the countless good times; I could go on for days;
Talking about your wit, your charm, and the gut busting laughter that never failed to amaze
Everyone who encountered you from the moment I entered your realm;
Our golf games will never be the same without you at the helm
Of all the wonderful times we had together, I felt honored to be by your side;
And now my heart is aching, my tears are flowing, and it’s clear I can’t hide
My emotions as I share your memories with all of your heartbroken brethren;
Rest well, my dear friend, there’s college football in heaven

Changes

2011-07-27T14:38:00.000-07:00

In David Bowie’s classic tune, Changes, the song’s ending leaves you with a very contemplative few lines. “Time may change me, but I can’t trace time.” We quite often hear the advice these days to stay in the present moment, because you can’t do anything about the past and you certainly can’t control the future. Now, trust me, these are certainly words to live by, but it’s important to keep the blinders off as well. What do I mean? Well, even though it’s critical to live in the present moment, it’s important to constantly utilize reference points from our past in order to maintain a healthy present and more secure future. After all, it’s the experiences of life that provide us with the fuel that, when lit, ignites our source of wisdom, and ultimately paves the way for all we are and all we do. When I dissect the last line of Bowie’s incredible song, I quickly realize that time does quite often change us as we sail through life. We learn more, we see more, and ultimately make our most important life decisions, especially as we mature. More often than not, we change along the way, mostly for the better, because we realize that we may have just taken the wrong path. So, the first line of the end of the song is fairly easy to ascertain meaning from, it’s the last few words that are a bit more puzzling. Its funny, because until just a few minutes ago, I just sang the song like everyone else, enjoyed the moment, and never really stopped to think about its meaning. “I can’t trace time?” What could that possibly mean? In Webster’s, trace is defined as:

A visible mark, such as a footprint, made or left by the passage of a person, animal, or thing

Well, as I thought more about it, it dawned on me that although time will certainly change us, we really can’t go back to the same moment in time that caused the changes. That is what Bowie is saying. All the more reason to remain in the present, while at the same time staying alert and mindful to change when it occurs, staying cognizant of what caused it, and how it has ended up affecting your life and the lives of those around you. More importantly, what new changes will you make as a result of what you learned about yourself. Like I said, contemplative for sure, and as you dissect all the lyrics (I’ll add them to the bottom of this blog) of this great song, the theme that resonates has everything to do with how each one of us is not only affected by change, but how we deal with it, and how we each use it to actually improve our lives.

As is typical of my call to write, I had some interesting experiences over the last few weeks that have caused me to ponder, reflect, marinate, and ultimately cook up these words. I recently took a long trip back to New York and spent some quality time with a ton of close friends. My trip took me to NJ, NYC for a few days, and then out to Long Island for my 30 year High School Reunion. Could I possibly be that old? Yes, 48 for anyone who is counting. I had lunch in NYC with my oldest friend I can remember. With the assistance of Facebook, I was able to reconnect with my childhood friend from 35 years ago. Yes, we have both changed quite a bit, but seeing him made me realize that living a contemplative, reflective, and memorable life has everything you do with the people you touch along the way. Something that lies at the core of my thinking, my life, and something that I can’t wait to teach my five children as they grow. We actually spent time talking about that very topic, about change, and about what is truly important in life. It was great to see that even though we had not seen each other for many years, we both sort of ended up in the same place with our views on life. Very cool...right? I also spent some time with many high school friends at the reunion, and although it was brief, we all enjoyed our time together reminiscing, catching up on each other’s lives, and sharing many laughs. I even had a few days with my dear friends from college, playing golf, going to dinner, and of course, laughing our asses off. Isn’t it funny how the stories always get better as we get older? As I plotted through the week, I was reflecting on all of the changes I went through back in those days, and how they have made me the man I am today. But mostly, it was the people that I enjoyed, something that resonates throughout my life.

On the topic of change, contemplation, and reflection...I can say that there was one moment that touched me deeper than all of the others during my trip. After I had lunch with my elementary school pal, I had some time to kill in NYC before dinner plans with another close friend. I have always wanted to go to Ellis Island to see my Grandparents names on the Wall of Immigrants, so I jumped on the ferry and off I went. What I witnessed was a feeling that gripped me so tightly, I stayed for over two hours to soak it all in. You see, my Grandparents, Anthony Caico and Josephine Inglese Caico, came over in the early 1900’s from Palermo, Italy. Seeing their names (especially MY NAME…as I was named after my Grandfather) was just flat out cool. I posted it to Facebook for those who care to take a peek. By the way, if we are not Facebook, LinkedIN, or e-mail friends, let’s do something about that. Anyway, it was the highlight of my trip, and I would highly recommend that each of you make the trip to Ellis Island, even if you didn’t have ancestors that came through, it’s an awesome place. I can’t wait to take my kids there someday. The difficulty that they endured so we could all have more opportunity is awe inspiring to say the least. Just think of the sacrifices and “changes” they had to make. Quite often, those changes lead to opportunities in disguise. For them, it was a future that was better than the past and even the present, which inspired them to leave the status quo behind. I am very honored and proud that my grandparents embraced true “kaizen” (a commitment to continuous improvement) in the face of adversity. If they didn’t I wouldn't be writing this, and you wouldn’t be reading it.

In the end, change is definitely not something we should resist, fear, or shy away from. Let’s face it; it’s inevitable in our careers, our lives, and in our every day experiences. If we embrace change, we can each learn much more about who we are, what we can do, and we can grow and actually gain a great deal of confidence through the changes we endure. We can either master change or it will master us. How many people do you know that react very negatively to change? You know who I mean, and you do not want to be one of those people. Like David Bowie says, “Turn and face the strain”...but by all means...walk away from the mirror with a positive outlook, a game plan, then go out and execute. Your life will improve as a result. Guaranteed. I’ll leave you with the awesome lyrics to Changes. Peace...Tony

Changes
David Bowie

I still don't know what I was waiting for
And my time was running wild
A million dead-end streets
Every time I thought I'd got it made
It seemed the taste was not so sweet
So I turned myself to face me
But I've never caught a glimpse
Of how the others must see the faker
I'm much too fast to take that test

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Don't want to be a richer man
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Just gonna have to be a different man
Time may change me
But I can't trace time

I watch the ripples change their size
But never leave the stream
Of warm impermanence and
So the days float through my eyes
But still the days seem the same
And these children that you spit on
As they try to change their worlds
Are immune to your consultations
They're quite aware of what they're going through

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Don't tell t hem to grow up and out of it
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Where's your shame
You've left us up to our necks in it
Time may change me
But you can't trace time

Strange fascination, fascinating me
Changes are taking the pace I'm going through

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Oh, look out you rock 'n rollers
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Pretty soon you're gonna get a little older
Time may change me
But I can't trace time
I said that time may change me
But I can't trace time

Too Big to Fail - Really??

2011-05-29T09:30:00.000-07:00

I would like to dedicate this next piece to all of my former colleagues throughout the country from Citibank’s Home Equity Division. I spent an amazing 5 years with this group, and although we had a tenuous exit from this business, the relationships we built and the success we achieved together will stay with me forever. The mortgage meltdown caused many of us severe life altering pain, and regardless of what you personally feel about what happened, there were real people in this business that got caught up in the greedy, seedy world of investment banking on Wall Street.

Read on to get an inside view:

My dear fellow Citi Home Equity colleagues:

I am hopeful that this email finds you all well and enjoying your Holiday weekend. It’s been quite a while since I sent a note out to this group specifically, but I’m coming of the heels of watching the HBO movie Too Big to Fail. I’m not sure any of you have had the pleasure (or displeasure) of watching this movie, but I would highly recommend that you do. It’s an incredible movie that outlines the mortgage/economic meltdown in a very succinct and organized fashion. The acting is superb, and includes, Paul Giamatti (who looks exactly like Ben Bernake), William Hurt, Cynthia Nixon (from Sex in the City fame), Ed Asner (Mary Tyler Moore’s old boss), Evan Handler (one of my favs from Californication), Bill Pullman (who plays one of Melinda’s favorites, Jamie Dimon), and many others. I was captivated by the story line from the beginning, as they actually take you on a ride through the Treasury, the Federal Reserve, and the banking world as seen through the eyes of the participants. This is real behind the curtain stuff here folks, and the depiction of what happened unfolds exactly how I suspected all along. For us former CITI employees, watching Vikram Pandit (who was really only there at the tail end of our endeavor) participate in this charade is disturbing at best. As we now know, Citibank played several roles in this meltdown through their participation with mortgage backed securities, the relationship with AIG, as well as the actual lending piece of the equation. Citi sort of escapes playing a major villain in this movie, but for me, I could read between the lines of what actually went down. You see, the investment banks were making so much freaking money bundling loans into mortgage backed securities that they continued to put unrelenting pressure on the banks to constantly lower the criteria for lending. AIG was insuring these loans, and became sort of the fulcrum that almost collapsed the entire financial system. When the government peeled back the onion of what it would mean if AIG failed, they really had no choice but to put the TARP plan in place. It’s funny because the actual term TARP (troubled assent relief program) doesn’t really tell the story of what the government actually did. What it turned out to be was a capital infusion to the banks in order to stimulate lending again. If AIG went down, the entire credit system would have broken down and we would have seen a depression much larger than the one in the 30’s. In hindsight, the problem was entrusting that the banks would actually follow through and start lending again. Well, we all know how the rest of the story goes. Now, the banks are bigger, the executives are still getting paid, and we are all left holding the bag.

The wholesale portion of our Citibank Home Equity Division started right smack in the middle of this greed ridden time frame, and we really didn’t know what hit us. I remember the first time I looked at our Product Matrix. My eyes widened as I knew from past experience that the mortgage brokers would lick their chops at this product and that we could sell these junior liens like crazy. I also knew that I could recruit people rapidly and that I could help the bank grow this division. We expanded faster than any of us could have imagined, and we all enjoyed the ride. Even today, as I looked back at that 5 years time span, I am thankful to have participated. I have guilt over many things I have done in my life, but no guilt whatsoever playing my part in CHE’s rapid growth and success. Many people might look upon our platform as a failure, but I think we all know better. We were working hard, doing our jobs to the best of our abilities, building a business, and forging lasting relationships both internally and externally.

I had such a wide range of emotions as I watched this movie. Like many of you, I experienced a fairly large mid-life trauma as the result of CHE falling apart. I know that there are several of you that have read my book, My Back Nine, where I outline the journey through my career culminating with my CHE experience. Let me explain:

• I felt angry that my run of building great teams and making large sums of money in this business was over, and that Citibank is actually larger now than it was then. I felt more anger after realizing that the actual solution to the problem in late 2008 (the TARP program) DID NOT yield the results they were supposed to. Like mentioned above, the theory was that the banks were supposed to use their TARP money ($700BB) to actually start lending again and stimulate the economy. Well, as we all know that did not happen. What did happen is that the bonuses paid to Wall Street executives actually increased on 2008 and 2009, and most of the folks in the middle (or bottom) of that chain (yeah...you and I) lost their jobs and had life altering experiences as a result. The anger continued as I realize that I personally got caught up on both sides of the equation. I was also one of the homeowners caught up in owning more house than I could afford, just because the bank was willing to lend. I figured that they knew what they were doing. Funny...right? On the other hand, I lost my income and the ability to pay for that house due to the meltdown. Much of this anger was turned inward as I realized that I compounded my professional demise by making many poor personal decisions. A perfect storm.

• I felt empowered by the fact that I now feel a strong sense of detachment to the entire mortgage meltdown. I am no longer in the business, but feel somewhat educated on exactly what happened, and that knowledge helps me come to grips that it wasn’t my fault. I know that may not be the stance of those viewing my resume over the last several years, but I know and that’s most important.

• I felt peaceful that this detachment helps me look from the outside in and not inside out. My life is still very difficult as a result of how this affected me, but that is changing and improving each day. My peace comes from a place deep inside, a place where I know that I am a better person having gone through this turmoil. I was watching the movie, Eat, Pray, Love a few weeks ago, and there was one line in that movie that will stay with me forever. “Ruin is the road to transformation” - Nice…..right?

• I felt pride and joy for my participation in building Citi’s Home Equity Division. In my book I have an entire chapter dedicated to relationships. I feel thankful and humbled that many of my business relationships have become personal. ALL of you fine people fall into that category, and I wish I had more time to rekindle some of these great bonds. I do my best, and e-mails like this are part of that very important piece of my life. Towards the end of the chapter, I wrote about our demise and referenced an e-mail I sent out to our entire staff just before Citi ushered me out the door. The responses I received from that e-mail I still read to this day. Having made an impact of so many of you (and you on me) fills my heart with pride and joy. I know, a bit corny...but you get the picture.

• I felt closure that this all happened in the past and I only use it now as a frame of reference. The anger I mentioned above was short lived and what I mostly feel now are the other aforementioned emotions; empowerment, peace, pride and joy.

In closing, I would like to express my sincere gratitude for all of these relationships I have built with you fine folks, the support I have received, and the continue dialog that I still have with many of you. For those of you that I have lost touch with, let’s do something about that. You see, in the end it’s about the people you touch, and the experiences you have on this amazing journey of life. For me, it’s the detachment of the past, the ultimate focus on the present, and the excitement of what’s to come.

Peace and Love to ALL...Tony

It is a Small World After All

2011-04-18T20:04:00.000-07:00

Hey there. It’s been quite a while since my last post. Yes, I know, I am not the typical blogger. I wonder if I could create a new trend for us folks who write longer pieces only once in a while. Perhaps, we could call it the “back 9 nugget file”. I welcome your suggestions, so please bring them on. I’m quite sure there are many aspiring writers who can’t seem to get their message across by pounding out piece after piece, day after day. For me, I can only seem to write when I get inspired to do so, and only when I really have something to say. I’ve never been one to journal, jot down short notes, etc... Nor do I have the time to write each day, due to the abundance of pressing items that occupy my time. Someday, I plan on carving out more time to write, and I very much look forward to those moments. I can see it now, sitting on my porch overlooking the golf course and the ocean, sipping my beverage, and knocking out line after line of my 2nd, 3rd, and 4th books. OK, I’m dreaming a bit, but the dream feels good. Try carving out those little gems for yourself, you won’t regret it.

The spark that is fueling my literary prowess today is a message I received today from a friend on Facebook. You see, today is my birthday, and I was just perusing through the plethora of birthday wishes I received. If Facebook does nothing else, I would still keep it in my arsenal just for days like today. Most of you experience this, and you must admit, it’s a great feeling. How can I possibly respond to all of these fantastic people who are sending their personal wishes my way to help me celebrate the day? I know, I’ll write a short piece, and hopefully they will read it and feel my gratitude. Just reading these Facebook messages from people across the world (I now have peeps in India, Italy, Canada, and the Philippines) is cause for celebration in my book. By the way, I can actually and literally say this because the premise of celebrating friendships and relationship is laced throughout my actual book, My Back Nine (shameless plug). Like I said, I received tons of birthday wishes and they are still piling in to my profile page, message center, hotmail account, LinkedIN account, and my cell phone. The messages are all special in their own way, but one in particular stood out to me. One of my former colleagues turned good friend sent this;

“The world shrinks and the people you have affected come out on such a great day to say they love you”

For those of you who know me well, you know how emotional I get over things like this. For those of you don’t know me well, let’s change that. You see, relationships that you build over the course of your life are so precious that it’s important that you do your best to hold on to them. It’s important that you do your best to rekindle old relationships, stay focused on current relationships (most critical), and spend time forging new relationships. Many people say they don’t have the time, or that it’s really not important to them. I beg to differ. Regardless of the type of life that you have or the type of personality that you have, relationship building should be a part of your everyday life. This really isn’t hard work my friends. Heck, it’s not work at all. It just boils down to time management, and carving out the time to stay connected. Right now, I am sitting here on my birthday (9:30 PM) writing this piece that I plan on sharing with YOU. Sounds’ boring maybe, but this is what I choose to do. I did celebrate a little this weekend with some friends, played some golf, and will celebrate a bit more when I bring my kids to the beach next weekend to see my family. Had to throw that in, so none of you would think that I had nothing better to do on my birthday. The point is that the relationships in my life are really that important to me. How about you?

You may be thinking that my thought process is unrealistic, and that there is only so much time for a certain amount of relationships. I would venture to guess that this looks different to everyone, but deep down, I know that relationships are important to ALL of you. After all, what is it that you will leave behind when you are gone? The people that you touch along your journey make up the tapestry of your life. Don’t you think that is important? I have been pondering this notion for a few weeks now, due to the fact that my dad has been very ill. He’s doing much better now, but we had some tense touch and go moments there for a while. However, in every situation, you can usually find a silver lining. Sometimes, you get a chance for what I refer to as “opportunities in disguise”. You see, all of my brothers and sisters were there visiting my dad, and it was the first time we were all together in quite some time. It wasn’t an ideal situation, but I believe we all made the best of it, had some laughs, and reconnected just a bit. The point here is that we actually had a few precious moments; my dad was pleased that we were all there, and it seemed to me that both conscious and subconscious bonding occurred. The conscious bonding is fairly easy to identify, but the subconscious bonding is what resonates deeper. The feelings that marinate and don’t hit you for a while. Those are the real relationship builders. You see, family relationships (although more important than others to most) have the same functional components than other relationships. The same connection points that you use with family members can be used to rebuild, solidify, and forge all the relationships in your life. Go ahead, pontificate on that one for a while. You’ll be glad you did.

I will conclude my post on my 48 birthday (ouch!!) with an attempt at a poem. I have recently been dabbling with poetry, so be patience as I do my best to tie this message together in prose. My hope, as always, is that each of you can pick up just a little “nugget” that will have meaning for you and your life.

WHO YOU HAVE
The world gets small and your heart gets large:
When you realize that you are the one in charge
Of connecting with those important to you:
Family, friends, and others; you know that it’s true
That this life is precious and short, and time is so valuable;
So you do your best, to ensure that it’s malleable
And you press on, enjoying each and every day:
With the people you love; the one’s you wish to stay
With you on your journey, but you know it’s up to you:
To keep them very close, without using glue
And the harder you try to forge these cherished bonds:
The bigger your boat gets to navigate the ponds
Of life my dear friends, and as I bring this to close:
With these kinds words for all, tossed out in prose
Because in the end it’s not what you have it’s WHO YOU HAVE

Stability’s Perception

2011-02-13T20:26:00.000-08:00

The concept of Stability’s Perception has been simmering in the space between my ears for about a week now. The connection and feelings that I have about the words I’m about to write are very strong, and I am hopeful that each of you will be able to glean something helpful from the following message. After all, this is what my writing is all about; helping others in their own journey as I draw upon references from my life, through thoughts, ideas, and perspective. This one feels really good, and the thought that immediately comes to mind has an interesting connection to the meatball recipe that my sister gave me a few weeks back. What?? Ok Tony, now you’ve really gone off the deep end man!! Stay with me. The recipe, which I can’t disclose (sorry), came not only with the ingredients, but also with cooking instructions. These instructions included the art of actually cooking the meatballs right in the gravy (which is what Italians call Spaghetti Sauce). The result is that the texture and flavor of the meatballs are so unbelievably delicious due to the fact that they marinate in the gravy (Mom’s recipe with a few added touches) for three or four hours. Ask my kids, it’s the best spaghetti and meatballs on the planet!! Well, these words you are about to read have been cooking in my brain all week, so I hope they are pleasing to your pallet.

As usual, it was a recent life experience that has fueled this latest piece, and it has affected me profoundly. Last Saturday evening, I awoke at 1:30AM with the room spinning uncontrollably. I immediately became dizzy, nauseous, and lost all bodily function in about three minutes flat. I was vomiting violently, couldn’t move my body, lost all sense of equilibrium, and my eyes were spinning around in my head. What I later found out is that I came down with a sudden case of Vestibular Neuritis, which is another medical term for a severe case of Vertigo. You see, there are crystals in your inner ear that somehow get dislodged, and get caught up in tiny hair follicles deep inside the ear drum. The result is that your brain is telling your body that it is moving, when in fact it is completely still. You lose body function, balance, and have no earthly idea what is happening to you. Personally, I have never experience anything physically worse in my entire life. I was as frightened as I have ever been, and will never forget that feeling as long as I live. I spent five days in the Hospital, three of them on my back, unable to get out of bed. As I sit here and write this piece a week later, I am still experiencing the effects of this traumatic event. I posted my plight on my Facebook page, and was surprised to see how many people have gone through this before. Some of the people I corresponded with have reoccurring Vertigo, and quite honestly, I do not know how they get through it. One of the positive components of having the Vestibular Neuritis version that I had was that it has a much lower propensity of reoccurring, unlike regular Vertigo. That was the first Silver Lining of this incident. The second is this piece I am writing. I was laid up for several days, couldn’t really read or even watch TV, and had a bunch of time to think about my life. Heck, I couldn’t even watch the Superbowl, something I haven’t missed...ever!!

I soon came to to the realization that this physical imbalance that I was experiencing has strong synergy with real life. The imbalance and instability of life and how people deal with this began to occupy my thoughts. It dawned upon me that stability must mean so many different things to each person, and that the differences lie in our individual perspectives and perceptions. I started to think about what stability meant to me, and tried to break it into pieces. It occurred to me that the Perception of Stability that accompanies Vertigo has direct correlation to how we sometimes feel in real life. We look for stability in many different places; our living situation, our faith, our partners, our relationships, our workplace, and our bank accounts. All very important mechanisms of our life and quite natural to look here. But how many of us consider looking inward for stability? How many of us look in the mirror for stability?

Therein lays the main point of my message today. It’s my opinion that without a strong focus on relying on our constant personal journey for authenticity and enlightenment, our perception of stability gets skewed. Even if we have many of the other pieces covered (finance, faith, relationships, etc...), not to peer inward to uncover the real meaning of stability throws our perception off kilter. In other words, it’s the personal attachment to these items in our life that provides the adhesive needed to find our center. It’s in that center where true stability exists. The good news is that we each have the power to find these hidden gems for ourselves. This is hard work though, as many people just choose to live on the fringes. Well, that’s not for me and my sense is that it’s not for the folks reading this post. Let’s unpack a few of the different versions of stability, in an attempt to tie this message to our own lives:

Emotional Stability – The perception here is that we are in control of our emotions. We all know how difficult that is in real life. Where do you stand with emotional stability? One of the things that has helped me in this regard is to try and stay separated from my circumstances. In my last blog, I talked about staying focused, yet being detached. Keeping our emotions in check has everything to do with how we deal with things that confront us. The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle is a good read for folks searching for emotional stability.

Spiritual Stability – If your life lacks spirituality in some form, stability here will be a challenge. For me, God is there in my life and I am constantly working on a relationship with him. This is new for me over the last several years, but the more I focus on my faith the closer I get to Spiritual Stability. Be careful here, because you can be fooled by the perception of spiritual stability. Listening to preachers with hidden agendas, following patterns of religion that don’t have a connection to your core, and many other spiritual forms can cloud your vision regarding this all important component of stability.

Relational Stability – This one I feel close to, as relationships are very important to me. I spend a great deal of time forging, cultivating, and renewing relationships in my life, and this has helped me feel very stable in this regard. In my book, My Back Nine, I dedicate and entire chapter to relationship building. Relational Stability takes a ton of effort and dedication, but in my opinion, it’s one of the most important components of your life. After all, the legacy you leave behind by the relationships you build will have an impact on people for generations.

Personal Stability – Here’s where the rubber meets the road my friends. The responsibility for this component lies solely within each of us, yet many people don’t even know it exists. We all know people like this. They sort of just “jellyfish” through life, without ever searching for their reason for existence. Personal Stability is rooted in our ability to really know ourselves, as well as our constant search for our life’s purpose and overall meaning. For me, the struggles that I experienced over the last several years provided the platform that I needed to start this search. However, although everyone experiences struggles, many folks never get to the point where they believe they need this in their life. My hope is that some of you folks that fall into this category will read this post.

In the end, it’s in the search, it’s in the journey, and it’s in the dedicated pursuit of oneself that true stability lies. Stability’s Perception will try and trick you into believing that there is not work to be done. The search for your one, true, and totally authentic self is one of the main reasons we are ALL here on this earth.

Peace and love to ALL…….Tony

FAD – Focused AND Detached

2011-01-21T13:04:00.000-08:00

“When your consciousness is directed outward, mind and world arise. When it’s directed inward, it realizes its own Source and returns home into the Unmanifested” Eckhart Tolle

The premise of detachment has been running through my cerebral cortex for the last several weeks. Accomplishing the most far-reaching goal of my entire life has had an interesting impact me, and it’s through this realization that I seem to have awakened in some way. I know that might seem a bit on the esoteric side, but bear with me for a while as I unpack my thoughts and attempt to explain. As many of you know by now, the goal I am referring to is the publishing of my first book, My Back Nine. It’s been about two weeks now, and I am still sort of numb to the fact that I actually accomplished this feat. Yes, I know, many people write books, but I have never really been that successful at setting long term goals, persevering through the trials and tribulations of a difficult endeavor, and ultimately achieving the goal. I spent the first half of my life sort of getting what I wanted, but never really spent much time setting and achieving goals. I was always good at starting things and had great ideas, but following through, that was a different story altogether. Well, if you read my last post, you can quickly ascertain that this is no longer the case for me, and goal setting is now a major part of my life. Throughout the course of the last few weeks I have felt such a sense of pride and overwhelming accomplishment, and it’s these thoughts that have led me to this latest post on detachment. I feel that my ego state has altered dramatically, and the pride that I feel is strangely positioned somewhere else, actually in its own space. Almost like the ego decided to go there on its own, and I am still trying to decipher what this means to me. With that said, what I have discovered is that achieving this goal has put me in a great state of Focus AND Detachment.

As is typical for me these days, I awoke in the middle of the night a few nights ago with three letters ringing in my head...FAD. I immediately put the two words, focus and detachment, together as if there was some sort of force merging them. I soon realized that the force was me, and my demeanor was equally connected to both words. I starting thinking to myself that this was a great combination of words, even though they typically don’t go together. I wondered if the shift that I was feeling had a direct correlation with my recent accomplishment. As my thoughts widened and this premise kept marinating, I couldn't’t help but think that perhaps this is how people feel when they have a sense of enlightenment. I thought maybe...just maybe...this could stick, or at least I could generate some momentum for others. You see, one of the reasons I write is to not only inspire myself, but to inspire others...you fine folks reading this now. Therein lies the term FAD, which is a play on words on the surface, but has deeper meaning inside. A FAD is usually something that catches on quickly and is collectively followed with a genuine sense of enthusiasm by many people. Typically, FADs are driven by emotional excitement, peer pressure, and sometimes even a desire to be outside the norm. That part feels right: “outside the norm”, as I contemplate my own feelings these days. However, FADs usually fade quickly once the novelty is gone, a concept that really didn’t sit quite right with me. But as I thought more about FADs, and did some research on topic, I realized that on many occasions a FAD actually turns into a TREND. Now, a TREND on the other hand, is something that can quite often lead to a permanent change. Now that is the more like it, as this premise resonates more soundly with me and my message today.

The meat of my message here today centers on this simple premise:

“To stay totally focused on your day to day activities while staying completely detached from judgment, circumstance, and outcome.”

A good friend of mine used to always say: “Take care of the means and the ends with take care of itself” Very powerful words as they flow perfectly with my thought process today. Seems hard, right? Detachment, especially from circumstances is really hard work. Not to mention, judgment and outcome. How can I stay detached from outcome as I try and achieve my goals? How can I stay detached from my circumstances when so many things are swirling around me? Good questions and we will answer them by breaking down the components of focus and detachment. Let’s start with detachment, due to the fact that this is a bit more difficult to grasp.

Detachment can be described as a feeling of inner peace and/or calmness. Not to be confused with indifference, detachment involves us tapping our one true source of being. For some people, this is obtained through meditation, yoga, and other forms of greater consciousness. For others, like me, it’s their faith and the belief that they are following their true path. There is no correct form of reaching this detached space, and it is different for everyone. However, when we achieve success possessing this emotional and mental detachment, we can accept both the good and the bad equally due to the inner peace we obtain. Now, before I get too far off on a tangent here, of course I am talking in “best case” terms. I, nor anyone else I know, can admit that they are able to stay in this space all of the time. After all, we are human beings, and that sometimes means we cannot control our feelings and will quite often have a difficult time finding this inner peace I’m describing. But knowing it’s there, and knowing that we can tap into this powerful and peaceful force is such an incredible feeling. It’s a feeling of inner strength, the ability to function calmly under all circumstances. When we have this feeling, we are not in a hurry to do anything, we are able to stay present with the people we spend time with, and our concentration and focus seem to have more clarity. I feel this way...right now...how about you?
I always like the analogy of the Lotus Flower. The lotus is a universal symbol for non-attachment for its ability to grow in muddy waters and remain perfect and immaculate.

Focus is a word that I have been using for many years in my business career. However, it wasn’t until I started rediscovering myself that I realize the true impact of this word. In my opinion, focus can only be obtained if our plates are cleared and our minds are right. I always thought that I had targeted focus, but my plate was never clear and my mind was never right. Thus, my attention to detail was lacking, and ultimately, my true outcomes were not achieved. This is different for me now, mostly due to the fact that I am able to live more freely and authentically, two items that have helped me regain my focus.

Here are a few tips on how to improve your focus:

• Setting goals – This is critical to keeping your focus. Without goals, how do you know what to be focused on? Also, how can you possibly stay unattached to outcome if you haven’t even defined what that is for you?
• Prioritize your day, week, month – We all have very busy schedules. In order to stay dialed into what is important for our lives, we need to be clear on what are priorities are. You will be amazed on how focused you become when your priorities are well thought out and organized.
• Reward yourself – Give yourself a break every few hours. Do some reading (always works for me), take a nap, exercise. Break up your day, take some time off, and when you return, you will be refreshed and laser focused.
• Remove distractions – If you are working on a project, turn your phone off and do not check your e-mail. Close the door to your office, your bedroom, the garage. The more time you spend removing distractions, the more focused you will become on the task at hand. Remember, NOT the outcome, the task!!

Those are just a few items to consider while you attempt to stay focused. Your goal is to keep your plate cleared and to keep your consciousness directed “inward” pursuant to the quote that started off this post. My hope is that this inner peace (detachment) and dedication to the task (or person) right in front of you (focus) will light a spark that can perhaps lead to a FAD that has the potential to create a TREND in your life.

Peace…..

The Sum of the Parts Equal the Whole

2011-01-03T13:49:00.000-08:00

The Sum of the Parts Equal the Whole

I just spent the better part of the last three days goal setting for 2011. Sound familiar? Not sure about you, but I go through this painful exercise every year, and the endeavor is typically laced with trepidation. But this year was different; I think it just means more to me now and I planned for several weeks on giving this process the attention that it really deserves. I was aided by a very detailed and organized goal setting plan that I received from a colleague. This goal setting plan proved to be invaluable as it kept me aligned with exactly what I was trying to achieve. While I was plotting through the goal setting exercise it dawned on me that I was (we are) embarking upon an entirely new decade. That is, of course, if you start your decade’s correctly at the number one. In this case, the ten years starting with 2011 and ending with 2020. I should stop here, just for a moment of clarity for myself, and share some honesty with you from last year. I had similar thoughts about the new decade, last year (2010), and laid down some very hefty goals for myself. I wrote down daily, weekly, and yearly goals. Interestingly enough, I did not set any new decade goals, which is why I have chosen to give myself a “mulligan” this year. For those you “non-golfers”, a mulligan is sort of a do-over. Not really within the rules of golf, but totally acceptable among amateurs, especially on the first tee. Another reason for my fresh start is that I was kind of disappointed with my results for 2010. But after a careful evaluation I didn’t feel quite as bad, as I accomplished a few major milestones last year. For example, one of my goals was to get my book, My Back Nine, published. I am currently awaiting the final copies in the mail, and the book will be available soon. More to follow on that topic. A shameless plug perhaps!! There were other intangible goals that I made progress on, and a few glaring tangible goals that I missed entirely. That’s OK, they made it back on the list, and they will remain until they get tackled. Again, I’m sure some of this has a familiar tone.

While I was contemplating my goals it occurred to me that this new decade presented an excellent opportunity for me to build the framework for my decade goals, and even my life goals. Although I have done some extensive work in recent years diving into my creative right brain, my left brain analytical side usually kicks in when I am attempting to reach a target or goal. In this case, it was the process of clearly defining my short term and long term goals. Using the next ten years as the framework seemed to fuel some hidden desire within to finally do this right. What I mean by that is that I have set goals before, many times. However, I really never gave it the time and energy that the process deserved. In order for us to actually live in the present, stay in and honor each moment, and enjoy life...don’t we need goals? Don’t we need a plan? Without clearly identifying what’s important to us, how can we truly uncover our path that leads to our purpose? Something to ponder….right?

These over-arching goals and principles become the components that help define our lives. May Sarton so famously quoted:

“One does not ‘find oneself’ by pursuing one’s self, but on the contrary by pursuing something else and learning through discipline or routine…..who one is and wants to be”

These words are so encouraging, especially as we attempt to align our decade goals with our own journey and our own life’s purpose. For those of you who may have difficulty defining your goals, you may want to start with these questions:

What is important to you?

What is your life’s purpose?

Where/How do you derive contentment and fulfillment in your life?

What would you like said of you when you are gone?

For example, I heard the great Notre Dame Coach, Lou Holtz; speak at a conference several years back. The topic of his discussion centered on the meaning of life and the legacy you leave behind when you are gone. Here’s what he said:

“I don’t think about the wins and losses these days, so I hope no one remembers them when they think of me after I’m gone. I want the great games to be remembered for the players who played in them, not the short, skinny man who paced the sidelines. I don’t want to be known for the successes I had as a coach, or as a public speaker, because success dies. Significance – helping others to better their lives through word and deed – lasts forever. The only thing I hope is that when I die, someone says, that Lou Holtz was significant to a lot of people. It is the best thing that can be said of a person. I hope it will be said of me.”

You see, if you start here and define what you want to leave behind, than you can go back on try and align your yearly goals, your decade goals, and ultimately...your life’s goals. From there, you can devise a game plan to achieve these goals. It’s not good enough to just write a bunch of things down on paper without a detailed game plan on how you plan on reaching your goals. There are many goal setting mechanisms in place that you can use to assist you in this process. Just go online, go to a book store, or call me if you like. I would be happy to share. This is actually the last piece of your three headed frame for your decade goal setting:

1 – The new decade – Very cool indeed.

2 – Define your life purpose, your legacy, and what you want to leave behind. Perhaps, what you like to have written on your tombstone.

3 – A goal setting program – The process will be difficult without this.

As I look upon my 2010 goals, like I said, at first I was disappointed. But then I considered the fact that I now give this process so much more respect than I used to. This, in turn, tells me that I am on the right path. That I know what I want and that I know I will stay focused on the activities that will lead me to my goals. Will it be perfect? Never. Not a chance. I think that’s where many folks just stop and give up. I was certainly part of that crowd a few years ago. I must admit, I truly believe that if I had gone through this goal setting process with more determination and focus in the past, I would not have put myself in such a deep hole. Sure, on the surface, I seemed to say and do the right things. I even was fortunate enough to enjoy a great deal of success. There are multitudes of reasons why that success didn’t stick, but I am totally confident that my lack of proper goal setting was a large contributer.

Even when I did set goals, they were not consistent with my life’s path and purpose. Why? Perhaps it was because I really wasn’t sure what that looked like. If that is you, than clearly that’s the first step.

They say that the sum of the parts equal the whole. What a fantastic concept to stay targeted on as you endeavor to set goals for this decade. How many times do we get to do this? Seven, maybe eight, nine if we are totally healthy and lucky enough to live until we are ninety. Another item to consider. Check your pulse, your age, and try and identify if you were ever at a better moment in your life than...right now...to be prepared to set the course for this next decade. Perhaps the “decade that defines your life?” A little corny maybe, but it has a nice ring to me. I’m the type of person that will use anything at my disposal to improve my life. If it makes me: A better father, A better friend, A better family member, A better business college, A better boss, A better Christian, or even A better golfer (just kidding!!)….then it’s totally worth it.

In closing I would encourage you NOT to stress over this yearly exercise. If you’re not ready, then come back to it when you are. If you do it only half way, you will not be fulfilled and will get discouraged (like I was) regarding the whole New Year’s Resolution/Goal Setting process. My only suggestion is that if you take a different approach this year, it may just yield the positive results that will help define your life.

Happy New Decade!!

“I believe fervently in our species and have no patience with the current fashion of running down the human being as a useful part of nature. On the contrary, we are a spectacular, splendid manifestation of life” - Lewis Thomas, M.D.

Where is Home?

2010-11-12T14:22:00.000-08:00

Where is home?

Have you ever woken up in the middle of the night with a million thoughts running through your head? I sure do, especially this time of year. My brain is so jam packed with thoughts about the upcoming Holiday season; I think I will explode if I don’t somehow figure out a way to get them down on paper. Thoughts of family (mostly my children), home, life stage, purpose, placement, and many others have kept me awake a few nights this week. I’m afraid it will last until 2011. At least that’s the way it has been for the last several years. I have no idea how this piece will turn out, but I do know it will be different from the others I have written. You see, mostly I write from a place of inspiration. Today is a bit different. Today I feel like asking questions, contemplating on this topic, working and writing through my own “stuff”, in an attempt to gain some insight on this strange place people call “HOME.” Not sure if it will work, but I’m at least hopeful that my head can clear and I can get on with my weekend. In addition, as you read this piece, I feel compelled to ask your opinion on this topic. I would love to hear some perspective from a different angle than mine. Many times I endeavor to inspire others and awaken hidden gems that may not be top of mind for all. For example, in my last piece I took a deep dive into the self-examination of life. This one is more inquisitive and experimental on my part, because it’s something I am really struggling with and always have. Even when I was in a place that felt like home, somehow I was worried it wouldn't last. Guess what, it didn't. Funny how that happens. Perhaps someone out there can provide some much needed insight. I invite all takers to respond to my inquiry today. Either by adding a comment on the blog site, sending me an e-mail, or even giving me a phone call.

OK, so I’m sure you’re now wondering what the big deal is. What is the actual issue Tony? Why do you have a problem with the word “home”, especially around the Holidays? There are many facets as to why this topic makes me uncomfortable. Yes, that would be a good word to describe how I feel. As I sit here today, I am, yet again, living in a new place. My current “home” is in South Durham, NC. A place strategically located between my new place of employment and where my children live full time.

In order for me the properly set the stage for this topic, let me serve up a Reader’s Digest version of the actual “homes” I have live in from my time of birth. Some of the dates and times may not be exact, but trust me, you will get the picture. Strap in:

• 1963 -Born in the town of Bay Shore, NY – My new home
• 1963 – 1970 – North Babylon, NY – Do not have much recollection, but I’m sure it was a comfortable and safe home.
• 1970 – 1978 – Rocky Point, NY – This is really my first memory of childhood. Again, a safe and comfortable home. A roof over my head and food on the table. No major problems.
• 1978 – 1981 - Mattituck, NY – Three years of high school, lots of sports, lots of friends. No major problems. Another nice home.
• 1981 – 1984 – Oakdale, NY – Three years of college. Lots of partying, lots of sports, lots of friends. Ran into some trouble, had to move to Florida. Not home.
• 1984 – 1986 – Punta Gorda, FL – 2 years of partying and playing golf. Lots of fun, not much accomplishment. Not home.
• 1986 – 1989 – Wellington, FL - Moved in with my sister and her husband. Finished higher education. Not really home.
• 1989 – 1992 – West Palm Beach, FL – Bartender, lots of partying, lived in a few places in town, lots of fun, golf, etc… - Not home.
• 1992 - 1996 – Sarasota, FL – Entered into a real job, started a career, got married, had my first child, bought my first home. This actually felt like home for the first time since high school.
• 1996 – 2000 – Winston-Salem, NC – Entered into a new field, career was elevating, had my second/third sons, bought my second home, joined my first country club. Again, this also felt like home.
• 2000-2007 – Hillsborough, NC – Had my 4th son and 1st daughter, career was going well, bought my third home, joined my second country club, life was good. Last time it felt like home.
• April 2007 – Durham, NC - Lost my job, moved out of my home, separated from my wife, and moved into an apartment in Durham, NC. Not home.
• September 2007 – Durham, NC – Still out of work, moved into a house my parents owned, life getting hard. Still not home.
• January 2008 – Durham, NC – Moved across town into another apartment, still out of work, got divorced, life still hard. Not home.
• July 2008 – Durham, NC. Moved back into the house my parents owned, couldn’t afford to keep the apartment, finally landed a job. Home? Nope.
• February 2009 – Rougemont, NC – Lost my job again, had to move into a house my sister owned. Out in the middle of nowhere, not happy. Definitely not home.
• November 2009 – Cary, NC – Got a new job, moved into a really cool place. Things were looking up. Maybe home?
• May 2010 – Cary, NC – Lost my job…..again. Could not afford to stay in the cool place. Again….not home.
• Present day – Durham, NC – Still not even close to being HOME.

Well, that didn’t feel that great, but I knew it wasn’t going to. So, for me, the last 3 years have obviously been the most difficult, and have served up more mixed feelings about where "home" is for me. In the past, I never really worried too much about where home was. But now, I’m only with my kids part time, my family is scattered over the country, my friends are everywhere but where I live, and life feels pretty lonely sometimes. I have, however, learned a ton about myself through these last few years. But the entire concept of “home” is still very elusive to me. I have many friends who have lived in the same place their entire lives. They have relatives and friends there, their children grow up with their friends children. I must admit, I am envious of that situation, and sometimes wish it were me and my family. But that’s just not the way it happened for me, and I’m sure there is a reason for it. Not sure what it is now, but I’m confident it will manifest on its own and be presented to me in some manner, and perhaps I will even have an “ah-ha” moment that will give me comfort. Some people say: “home is where the heart is”, but I really don’t know what that means. Does anybody really know what that means? If so, please edify me, I would love to know what it means to you.

I have always said that I could grow where I am planted, but that has proven to be difficult in light of my recent circumstances. This is not meant to be a pity party for me, by any means. Sure, I’m sad around the Holidays, mostly about my children. However, although it’s very difficult this time of year, I have learned to untie myself from my circumstances and try and live in the moment whenever I can. I have spent considerable time evaluating my life over the last three years, and I am certain I am on the right track. Perhaps, my continued journey will eventually bring me home. Perhaps, home is “heaven”...I have even thought that might be true for me. I hear that in church all of the time, and it actually feels good....not so disturbing. If there is anyone who knows why I’ve gone through these hard times, it’s certainly the man upstairs. On the other hand, when I dream about where I want to live and have a “home” I always go back to a house near the water and on the golf course. A house maybe in Charleston, SC or somewhere else in the “low country”. I love that part of the US, and I picture myself there all of the time. Playing golf with my children, continuing my journey through life, and living by the ocean. Maybe....just maybe....that’s where my home will be.
How about you?

The Journey Within

2010-09-20T16:42:00.000-07:00

As usual, the writing of this post comes to me on the heels of an inspiring message. A deep and meaningful message that usually starts in my mid-section, marinates a bit as it rises up through my chest and throat, and eventually finds it's resting place in my brain. Perhaps my brain size is smaller than some, because I inevitably need to release this matter from my brain; as it shoots down my arm, into my hands and fingers, and ultimately makes it way to my PC. The words I am writing have been in me for some time, but I have suffered from a serious mental block over the last several months. You know how it goes; life just always seems to get in the way. A new job, constant financial pressures accompanied by a bad economy, an over-whelming new travel schedule, another move (yes…..again), 5 children, etc...always seem to take center stage and the all important personal growth comes to a halt. Well, maybe it doesn’t, but it sure feels like that at times. This piece is bringing it back for me, and I hope it does something similar for each of you.

One of the more positive and enjoyable aspects of traveling again is that I seem to have more time to read. Something about being in an airport, or on an airplane that heightens my senses and renews my quest for knowledge and learning. I have learned to cherish this time, and it has recently led me to some new and exciting reading. Although, I usually have to force myself to read non-fiction, I just got through the first two Stieg Larsson books, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, and The Girl who played with Fire. I must say, these are well written and very entertaining, and I am anxious to read the third story in the trilogy, The Girl who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest.

However, the recent jolt of inspiration came to me after reading a Herman Hess novel, entitled, Narcissus and Goldmund. It was a great read, very detailed and poignant, and the life message in the story provided me with the combination I needed to unlock my recent blockage. Don’t worry, this is not a book review, but let’s just say this book does an excellent job outlining the story of life, or the search to find oneself. In my view, “the journey within” is an adventure that lasts a lifetime, and one that I’m quite sure not everyone takes as seriously as they probably should. Heck, I didn’t even take it seriously until just a few years ago, and it has become a focal point of my life’s mission. Like I said, things get in the way, and we all lose focus as it pertains to the inner meaning of life, and how we each fit into this enormous puzzle piece. Not to mention that this is really hard work. It takes time, focus, knowledge, contemplation, study, a strong desire, and constant “mirror checks” to tackle this topic.

That being said, I’m quite certain that every human being at some point in their life questions the reason for their existence. Why was I born? What am I doing here? What is my purpose? What is my true path? What am I supposed to believe? Who shall I listen to? Who am I…really? Who am I supposed to be? The questions are endless, but all valid and purposeful questions to ask. You see, many people either stop asking these questions, or never really search hard enough for the right answers. Even worse, many of us are taught certain things at an early age, and never take the necessary time to find out for ourselves whether or not they are true and authentic for our own lives. In this great Hermann Hesse (of Siddhartha fame) story, Goldmund is sent to a cloister for monks, where it is his father’s wish that he learns the ways of the monks, lives a sheltered and spiritual life, and basically spends the rest of his life there. When his mentor and teacher Narcissus discovers the true essence of the boy, against better judgment of his peers and the cloister, he encourages Goldmund to go out into the world to find his own way. His journey is an exciting and fantastic one, as he deals with life on the road, experiencing everything life has to offer, and constantly searching for his true and authentic purpose. Eventually, he ends up back at the cloister, not to become a monk, but as an incredibly gifted artist that brings his vision and experiences to life in a fantastic array of artwork to be admired and cherished for all time.

You see, every person is unique, and there is a plan, already somehow predetermined (I believe) for every single one of us. Our individual quest then is to find out what that plan is, and what paths we need to choose in an attempt to execute that plan. In order to do that, we must first identify with who we are. Our “reason” for our existence, which kind of says it all. What an interesting and fantastic topic to talk about, to study, and to ponder as we take our journey inward. After all, our desire to learn more about ourselves is woven into the fabric of our beings from birth. We are all born with that curiosity to want to explore and investigate, but somewhere along the way we start to ignore our inner self. We doubt our beliefs, we listen to others, we lose our way, and ultimately our grasp on our inward search. Our focus seems to shifts towards: who we think we should be, who we are told to be, who others want us to be, and we start taking pieces from other people we know in an attempt to fill our gaps. However, what many of end up with is all tiles and no grout. What is the grout? The thing that ties it all together for us, my friends, our spiritual being that can only be found through a thorough investigation of ourselves. Our one true and authentic self. The character is the great story by Steen Pressfield, Bagger Vance said it best:

“Inside each and every one of us is our one, true authentic swing. Something we were born with. Something that's ours and ours alone. Something that can't be learned... something that's got to be remembered”

Pressfield uses this golf premise as a metaphor for our journey inward or our search for one true and authentic self. I also use this quite often in my book, My Back Nine, as I find the connection between golf and life a fascinating topic.

One of our ultimate goals in life is to keep searching for those sometimes hidden caverns that can potentially lead us to the right path. Sure, we will take the wrong path at times, but that’s all part of the journey, part of our dangerous and exciting search within. My hope is that each and every one of you reading this message never loses sight of this search. For those of you who have, well then my goal is that you will rekindle those flames to find more meaning in your life. Lastly, for those of you (like me) with children, what invaluable lessons you can teach. Yes, it will not resonate with many children at a young age, but they will remember, and when it’s time for them to draw upon this ultimate search for themselves later in life, the spark will be that much easier to ignite!!

“From the beginning of time there has been a predestined purpose for every single human being who has entered this world. Our first challenge is to have faith and to believe that this is true. Our second challenge is to find the right path that connects us to that purpose, and to be steadfast and strong while we stay on that path. And our third and final challenge is to never forget the first two.” —Tony Caico

Capacity

2010-07-07T12:51:00.000-07:00

Have you ever said to yourself, “How much more can one person handle?” Or maybe, “How much capacity do I really have?” Do you sometimes feel that the magnitude of your circumstances are just too much too bear? Do you feel that your life has become so complicated and the hole so deep that the light at the end of the tunnel has become unrecognizable? Well, if you have (or have had) these feelings of despair, you are certainly not alone. Most people have these feelings at some point in their lives, especially those of us facing mid life difficulties. Children growing up, parents aging, people in our lives dying, career changes, financial difficulties, relationship difficulties; just to name a few. The bottom line is that everyone has a story, and everyone deals with pain and hardship. The real question becomes, “How do we deal with it?” To dive even deeper, “Are we even built to deal with it?”

I was having lunch with the pastor of my church a few weeks back, and we talked about the quite often used phrase, “God will not give you more that you can handle.” We both agreed that this statement is just not true, and that God quite often gives you more than you can handle. Many of us are testament to this fact, and this premise has infiltrated our lives and invaded our space. We sometimes feel that the preverbial “hits keep coming” and we don’t really know why. We find that separating ourselves from our circumstances is really hard work, and next to impossible at times. We find ourselves losing faith, losing focus, and waiting on some sort of miracle to come along and rescue us from our negative space. It doesn’t take long for us to realize that only WE have the power to get ourselves back on track, and that having faith is the first step. The timing of this test period that God has in store for us is usually not in sync with our time clock, which is another topic my pastor and I discussed. “How long must I wait until things in my life get better?” He reminded me of the story in the bible about Lazarus. Lazarus was a good friend of Jesus, and when he was ill his sisters, Mary and Martha, sent for Jesus to come to their aid. But Jesus has different plans. When Jesus did not respond, Mary and Martha were very confused, and Lazarus died while they waited. Four days later, Jesus came, but it was too late. Jesus then asked them to open the tomb and resurrected Lazarus from the dead. You see, there was a greater plan in store from above, and the time frame he had in mind had no correlation with everyone else’s agenda. A good reminder for us that we must remain patient, one of the characteristics needed to handle a life of full Capacity.

I have been contemplating on the topic of Capacity for many years. You see, I have always had a very full and busy life, and took enormous pride in my ability to handle many items and juggle many balls. Having five children, a busy career that kept me traveling, and other hobbies kept me very occupied over the years. However, it wasn’t until my circumstances started taking a negative tone that I seemed to have lost my juggling skills. Job loss, divorce, and other negative forces took hold of my life, and it was those items that took center stage. So, this idea of Capacity has been on my mind for many years, and is never far from my thoughts.

So much so, that I have even considered writing my next book about the topic. I started thinking to myself about the characteristics one would need to build a “life cylinder” that was strong enough to handle everything that will be thrown at them throughout the course of their lives. A “fortress” or a “shield” sturdy enough to deal with all of the trials and tribulations that they are sure to confront. Here’s what I have come up with so far:

C – Communication – Being able to communicate is paramount to handling troublesome situations. So many times, we keep pressing items bottled up inside, sometimes for many years. What we find is that they are not going away on their own, and eventually, we are going to have to deal with them. Lack of communication can actually make our problems worse. Many people suffer from communication difficulties, but breaking through these challenges will be critical to achieving capacity success.

A – Attitude – This is a tough one for many people, including me. You see, attitude works both ways, positively and negatively. When my attitude is negative, what I find is that more negative things enter my life. When it’s positive, despite my circumstances, not only do I get through the day with more ease, it seems that the good things start to creep in. All in direct correlation to the way I am thinking. I love this old American Indian quote:

“Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is unhappy, insecure and full of doubt. The other dog is joyful and confident. The unhappy dog fights the joyful dog all the time. When asked which dog wins, he said, “The One I Feed the Most."

Attitude is a way of life and it contains your experiences, your environment, your opportunities, your problems, your choices, and your responses. Your attitude can become either the bolt that locks the door or the key that unlocks that same door. Which will it be for you?

P – Patience – As indicated above, our time schedules are not always consistent with how things actually work out in our lives. It seems to me that when I was a kid, the phrase; “patience is a virtue” had very little meaning and usually meant my parents were telling me I couldn’t have something I wanted. However, now that I am older and wiser (hopefully), this phrase has deep meaning in my life. The bible story of Lazarus above was a good lesson for me as I continue to deal with struggles in my life. What I have found is that having patience or "delayed gratification” has really helped me mature throughout the last few years. Either way, this will be a key element of building your cylinder.

A – Appreciation – How often do we focus on things we want rather than appreciating things we already have. This hits home for me, especially when I see health issues with friends and especially with their children. Having five healthy children coupled with the honor of having an opportunity to help shape their precious lives usually brings me back to center when I am feeling sorry for myself. It’s a good idea to have your “go-to” gratitude places in your memory bank. It will not only help you in tight spots, it will be a foundation post for your “capacity shield”

C – Contemplation – Whether it’s thought, meditation, prayer, or a combination of all (or some) of these, clearing time for contemplation will help you grow at any stage of your life. As we grow older and mature different things become important to us, and taking time to reflect upon those things requires work and commitment. Spending time alone, in thought, has become a very healthy and worthwhile time of day for me. Something that I never thought of doing in the past. I have learned so much about myself, what is important, and how each item relates to my life, just because I have taken the time to contemplate.

I – Intelligence – In order for us to be able to handle the intricacies of our lives, we must keep our brain power functioning at high levels. As we age, our brains (like our muscles) actually lose power. However, studies have shown that we can actually increase our brain power if we keep using it to its full capacity. Our quest is to learn flows in concert with our quest to improve, and ultimately equip ourselves with a stronger shell to deal with changes and challenges in our lives.

T – Tenderness – At our very core, we are all authentic and good. This is how we are made. Sure, many of stray off course at times, but keeping our hearts open to others will help us keep our own lives in check.

Y – Yield – I must admit, it was a bit of a challenge to keep my acronym theme going on my last item. There are not many words that start with “y” that I found poignant to the subject matter. However, when I came across yield, I thought, “perfect.” In order for us to truly build a cylinder that is able to handle a life of full capacity, we must learn to “let go”. We must learn to yield, in many cases to a higher power. For me, this has been to God. A good friend of mine used to say, “Let go and let God.” At first, I really didn’t get it. Actually to be honest, this is still hard for me to graps at times. However, what I have realized as that I can’t handle all of my problems alone. I need family, friends, and some spiritual help to get through difficult times. Don’t we all? We add so much pressure to our lives when we try and take it all on ourselves. Yielding is a way for us to release, recharge, and perhaps tackle the issue another time.

In my opinion, it’s always a good idea to take an inventory. My hope is that the items above might stir up something inside you that you may need to work on in order to build your ultimate “capacity cylinder” in a way that makes it capable of handling anything that gets thrown your way. I’ll leave you with a bit of good news to ponder from the great Confucius:

“The gem cannot be polished without friction nor the man perfected without trials.”

Earth Day

2010-04-21T08:47:00.000-07:00

OK…let’s start with a show of hands, “How many of you fine folks out there know that it is Earth Day tomorrow?” My assumption would be that only about thirty to forty percent of the people reading this blog actually knew that it was Earth Day. Don't sweat it if you didn't know, after reading this you will. If you were to ask me that same question just a few short years ago, I would have been in the population of folks who didn’t know, and quite frankly, didn’t care. But things are different for me now. Now I pay attention to these types of things. Now I pay attention to the environment, GREEN initiatives, and the overall wellness of our planet. Heck, I have five kids, and I’m sure some of them will have kids and the beat...hopefully...will go on and on. I certainly don’t want future generations of Caico’s living on a planet that is not safe. How about you?
Earth Day, designated on April 22nd each year, is a day that has been designed to create and inspire awareness and a heightened appreciation for our Earth’s environment. It was actually founded by U.S. Senator Gaylord Nelson as an environmental “teach-in” in 1970. It is celebrated in many countries throughout the world, and has gained some serious momentum over the last several years. Historically, this has been a hot topic that has included major political debates. But not quite as much these days, as more and more folks are jumping on-board. Regardless of where you stand politically, you will not be able to escape the powerful inertia that exists in this arena. Everywhere you turn, someone or something is going GREEN. The movement has not only crossed political boundaries, it has slowly edged into our homes and businesses. How many of you have an Energy Star appliance? I thought so, and the GREEN movement is only going to get bigger. Listen to what Robert Redford said in The Green Book, the best seller written a few years back by Elizabeth Rogers and Thomas M. Kostigen.

“It used to be that people who cared about the environment were called granola heads and tree huggers and treated like kooks. Now they are called visionaries, and tree hugger is a great eco-website, and maybe granola head is, too. It doesn’t matter if you are a Democrat, Republican, or Independent, as the environment and things like global warming know no political affiliation. What has given me hope is that small steps can lead to sea change. As important as is the big picture, there’s a profound power in pulling it down to a manageable scale, to bringing it home, right down to our communities, and taking action with available solutions How we treat the earth says as much about us as a society, about our sprit and strength as a nation”

There are a ton of misconceptions out there regarding going GREEN. Many people think that they will have to sacrifice their current lifestyle if they want to participate, and this could not be further from the truth. Going GREEN means recycling, turning off lights, shopping with re-usable grocery bags, saving water, purchasing more earth friendly products, and basically staying aware of issues regarding the environment. You don’t have to alter your political affiliation, that’s just nonsense. So many people are afraid of actually “doing the right thing” for fear that others will judge them for what they are doing. Afraid that folks might say, “Hey did you see what Bob did to his house? He actually installed solar panels on his roof; he must be changing political parties. Next thing you know he will be holding vigils in his backyard for the trees!” I see some smiles out there from some of you, because you know exactly what I mean. Heck, like I said, a few years back, I might have been the one saying this and poking fun at Bob.

But if any of you have read my writing over the last few years, you know that I am not against changing the way I do things. I am not against altering my views just because I have thought a certain way for a long period of time. You see, sometimes the things you learn and the things you ingest from others are just not right. They get ingrained into your subconscious mostly from years of hearing the wrong messages. It takes courage, honesty, bravery, and a strong sense of self to adjust your thinking in line with what is actually “the right” thing to do. Just because you develop bad habits and they become part of your make-up, that doesn’t mean you can’t change. Maybe, it’s time to change your make-up! I’m just saying!!!
Anyway, for those of you who want to learn more, there are three awesome books that I have been reading in an attempt to learn more about this powerful and important initiative. The one I mentioned earlier (The Green Book) and these 2:

• Shift Your Habit – Elizabeth Rogers
• National Geographic’s GREEN GUIDE

I have learned so much about being GREEN, the changes that I am making, although minor at this point, make me feel better about my contribution to the future. It seems to me that the GREEN movement is just part of the greater consciousness that I am seeing in this country. A consciousness that gives me hope, even though many of us are still struggling in this difficult economy. Going GREEN is actually something “tangible” that you can do, right now, to make a difference. If each person pitched in, the world is certain to be a better place for our children and their children. I sound like a Politian. :)

If you still think you will be considered a “hippie” if you go GREEN, listen to what actor Owen Wilson says about the GREEN movement. I found this very entertaining.

“I started driving a Prius a few years ago, and I was surprised to find myself a little defensive about it. You know the whole environmental thing; I’d say almost dismissively, ‘it’s actually a pretty cool car to drive.’ It was like halfway apologetic because I didn’t want to be aligned with any group; or movement. But you know how people say that marijuana is the gateway drug? That’s sort of what buying a Prius was for me…in terms of becoming more environmentally sensitive. Because before too long, I stopped wondering if driving it made me some kind of preachy do-gooder, and I actually started looking for other ways to go green. I’m even starting to worry about my carbon footprint. You see, I love this planet, and I love nature, and I love taking walks on the beach at sunset. And if that makes me sound like Miss February filling out here turn-ons in a Playboy bio, so be it”

This is so cool, and right in line with the theme of this blog. Becoming environmentally sensitive is not only the right thing to do, it’s actually now the “cool” thing to do. Go ahead, give it a try. What you are sure to find, like me, is that once you start doing a few small things, you will look for more ways to add this to your lifestyle.

Another key point I would like to make is that going GREEN can actually SAVE you money. Altering a few items in your home, and changing some of your habits will certainly save you money in both the short term and long term. Short term savings: Programmable thermostat, low-flow shower heads, and duel flush toilets to name a few. Also, there are some huge long term savings: Solar panels and LED lighting to name a few. Don’t take my word for it, if you want to examine more details around going GRREN, check out this awesome website:

http://www.greenandsave.com/

This company’s website is packed with excellent information on going GREEN, and I am proud to say that I have met the management team at this company. They have spent many years fine-tuning what it means to be GREEN, and what they have compiled is very impressive. Go ahead, check it out.
In closing, I would like to add this link about Earth Day. Take a few minutes to review what people around the world are doing to make our home a better and safety place to live.

http://www.earthday.net/earthday2010

Left Brain vs. Right Brain (A Scarecrow's perspective)

2010-02-01T13:20:00.000-08:00

Indulge me, just for a minute if you will, and drift back into your memory bank to the exact moment where Dorothy (of Kansas) meets the Scarecrow (of Oz). You remember, right? She and Toto, without the aid of MapQuest or a navigation system, start out on their journey to the Emerald City after receiving very direct and poignant advice from the fine folks in Munchkinland. The Follow the Yellowbrick Road song is fading into the background, and low and behold, they come to a crossroads where this colorful road goes in two directions. Dorothy hears a voice, Toto goes crazy, and we anxiously await our introduction to this pivotal character, the Scarecrow. Our first image of this straw-filled, nervous-looking dude is of him with his arms pointed across his body, spouting out the words “this way.” Of course, he’s pointing in both directions, so Dorothy really doesn’t understand what he means. Why? Well, this fine fellow doesn’t have a brain. No brain? Really? I think not. If he didn’t have a brain, than how could he talk? How could he sing? If he didn’t have a brain, than how could he describe his failure to fulfill his primary function, which was to scare off the crows? And finally, if he didn’t have a brain, than how could he become such a close friend, confidant, and the lead navigator for Dorothy on her quest to get to Oz and ultimately, return home. Well, if we dig a little deeper, I think we may find that instead of identifying the scarecrow as a character with no brain, we could actually say they that maybe he just didn’t have one side of his brain. That would be the left side.

We are all aware that we each have a brain with two hemispheres, right and left. However, how much time have we actually spent analyzing this in our lives? Herein lies the theme of this blog. What is this all about, the left-brain and the right-brain, and how does it really affect me and my life? How does is (has it) affected my career to date? The decisions I have made, and the paths I have chosen? Most of us have a dominant side to our brain, and this dominance indeed has a direct correlation with the decisions we make, the way we interact with others, and ultimately, our life’s direction. Most of us know which side is dominant in our lives, but if you don’t, you can take an easy quiz online to get your answer. For example, my brain function is about 60% right and 40% left. I’m not sure there is a correct formula as everyone is different, but knowing this information and how it affects you could be very useful information.

Let’s break this down, as many folks lose track of this over time. Sure, we all learn this at some point in our lives, but maybe it’s time we take a closer look. I have done this recently, with the help of a few awesome books, some intense contemplation, and the journey is fascinating. You see, each hemisphere (right and left) of our brain is responsible for different ways of thinking. For example, left brain “thinking” characteristics include: Logical, Sequential, Rational, Analytical, and Objective thinking. Basically, this side of the brain usually breaks things up into small parts and looks at each individual piece when making decisions. On the other hand, the “thinking” characteristics of the right brain include: Random, Intuitive, Holistic, and Subjective thinking. The right brain usually looks at the whole picture (or big picture) when making decisions. To go even further, the right brain also houses other qualities, like: inventiveness, joyfulness, empathy, and meaning. Let's take this back to Oz and the story of the Scarecrow. Pursuant to what we just discussed, we could make the assumption that he clearly had some right-brain functionality. I’m not sure about you, but the Scarecrow was always my favorite character in this classic tale. He was kind, generous, resourceful, empathetic, and always had a sense of the big picture throughout the story. Of course, in the end, he finally did get his “left brain” and immediately started spouting off a dialog that included many of the analytical (left brained) characteristics described above.
However, it seems to me that he really didn’t need any of those new characteristics to accomplish his task throughout the movie.

Now, I’m not saying that we don’t need our left brains. Of course, we do. As humans, we absolutely need to utilize both hemispheres of our brain to effectively function in life. The question remains, which side of your brain is dominant, and how does it affect your life’s path? Another question to ask could be: “How can I develop my right brain, and can I actually alter the tendencies of each side?” I believe the answer is yes, due to the fact that I have actually increased my right-brained percentage over the last 10 years. I remember taking the same quiz about 10 years ago, and I was quite proud that my brain function was about 50/50. Clearly, I wouldn’t be as satisfied with that number today, as I now have more of an affinity for right-brained thinking. How about you?

In Daniel Pink’s awesome book, A Whole New Mind, he uncovers what I now refer to as a “revelation” for the future about how our brains operate. A new way of thinking for our lives and our careers, so much so that he contends that right-brainers will rule the world. A bit dramatic, yes, but he backs up his statement up with some well documented material, ideas, trends, and strategies. His contention is that in order for us to be most effective in the new “conceptual age,” our right brains will really need to kick into gear. The book definitely has a “career” flavor to it, as it describes how we are now transitioning from the Information Age of the 20th century to the Conceptual Age of the 21st century. Basically, the “knowledge workers” or “left-brainers” of the last century, will be replaced by the “creators and empathizers” or “right-brainers” of the new century. As an example, most medical universities are now teaching courses in “empathy” and “patient care” alongside the more analytical courses like anatomy and biology. The theory here is that in order to compete in the conceptual age, a doctor must not only have the knowledge and technical capabilities, they also must be closely connected with the human element of their profession. There are many more examples throughout this book, and it’s clear to me at least, why enhancing the right brained functions of our brains will be critical to our overall career and life success; now and in the future.

Pink uses the contrast between our L-Directed reasoning and our R-Directed aptitudes to identify what he refers to as the Six Senses. This is really good stuff here folks. I hope it resonates with you as it has with me. You see, with careful thought and preparation, we can all utilize these “senses”, not only in our careers, but in our lives in general. Here’s a brief description of each:

1 – Not just function but DESIGN. It’s no longer sufficient to create a product, service, an experience, or a lifestyle that’s merely functional. Today it’s economically crucial and personally rewarding to create something that is also beautiful, whimsical, or emotionally engaging.
2 – Not just argument but also STORY. When our lives are brimming with information and data, it’s not enough to marshal an effective argument. Someone somewhere will inevitably track down a counterpoint to rebut your point. The essence of persuasion, communication, and self-understanding has become the ability to also fashion a compelling narrative.
3 – Not just focus but also SYMPHONY. Much of the Industrial and Information Ages required focus on specialization. But as white-collar work gets routed to Asia and reduced to software, there’s a new premium on the opposite aptitude; putting pieces together, or SYMPHONY. Seeing the big picture, crossing boundaries, and being able to combine disparate pieces in an arresting new whole.
4 – Not just logic but also EMPATHY. The capacity for logical thought is one of the things that makes us human. But in a world of ubiquitous information and advanced analytical tools, logic alone won’t do. What will distinguish those who thrive will be their ability to understand what makes their fellow man or woman tick, to forge relationships, and to care for others.
5 – Not just seriousness but also PLAY. Ample evidence points to the enormous health and professional benefits of laughter, lightheartedness, games, and humor. There is a time to be serious, of course. But too much sobriety can be bad for your career and worse for your general well-being. We ALL need to play.
6 – Not just accumulation but also MEANING. We live in a world of breathtaking material plenty. This has freed millions of people from day-to-day struggles and liberates us to pursue more significant desires: purpose, transcendence, and spiritual fulfillment.

When I look back at the six senses, it looks as though our Scarecrow may have read this book as well. There is a piece of each of these senses that is ingrained within this character. They seem to permeate his straw, which in turn, helps the character ingratiate himself to us and all others in the story. As I look deeply and personally at these items, I am pleased to see that I have utilized much of these “senses” throughout my life and in my career. How about you? On the other hand, at times, I have also hid behind my left-brained analytical (or safe) side, for fear of standing out or being judged. I’m not sure about you, but I feel a shift going on every where I turn. In communications with friends and colleagues, throughout my business travels, and even in everyday conversations with strangers I encounter. A shift towards enlightenment, the six senses, and a more “right-brained” way of thinking. Like the Scarecrow from the Land of Oz, our arms are pointed both ways, because many of us have taken the safe path and NOT the road less traveled. A road filled with intuitive, non-judgmental, and holistic thinking that leads us down a path to find more meaning in our lives. A path that connects us to our purpose. A purpose that can only be filled by investigating all of the things in our lives. Doesn’t it seem logical that this investigation should include a journey into our own minds…..our own brains?

Thoughts to ponder……for sure. Thoughts that may eventually help lead you back home, or to the place you were always meant to be. Dorothy said it best; “There’s no place like home!”

Another year gone by....

2009-12-30T09:59:00.000-08:00

Another year has gone by.....or should I say....another “not so good” year. I remember joking around with many friends and colleagues last year, coining the phrase, “hate the 08.” As I look back on 2009, logistically speaking, it wasn’t much different....or better than 2008. The economy is still in bad shape, unemployment is still very high, and many people are still in recovery mode.....trying to figure out what exactly happened to them over the last few years. For me, the latter part of the year has been much better....and things are finally starting to head in the right direction. All I can say is, “it’s about time.” :)

I could go on and talk more about the negative aspects of the last two years, but those days are over for me. It’s just not productive to complain and/or talk about the negative aspects of your life. If you don’t believe me, remind me to tell you the story about the chicken and the pig the next time we talk. What is important is that you use these experiences as a frame of reference to help you decide when and how to make changes in your life. It is my firm belief that your life unfolds just the way it’s supposed to unfold. Your trials, tribulations, and ultimate “life path” are a combination of three things.....destiny, the decisions you make along the way, and your reaction to what happens. It’s really that simple. Sure, the last two years have been hard on many of us, but just look at all of the valuable life lessons we have learned at this critical juncture of our lives.

One of the key lessons that I have learned is to be grateful for what I have, as opposed to worrying about the things that I don't have. Somewhere along the line, I developed an all too common sense of entitlement. I thought that I somehow deserved more than I was getting in life.....even though I had so many things to be thankful for. I put a great deal of undue pressure on myself and others with my ridiculously high expectations. With that type of attitude, how can one ever become truly happy and/or grateful? Many of us fall into this trap, especially those of us who experience a good deal of success early in our lives/careers. Many times, what happens is that we lose ourselves on this journey, and build up some sort of plaster shell around our authentic selves as we morph into something different. Unconsciously, the layers of plaster continue to build up, and before you know it.....you have become a totally different person than you were meant to be. Sometimes, it’s noticeable to others, but others times it’s not. We can become very skilled at combining the inauthentic and authentic parts of ourselves. Certainly, it was that way for me. Success goes to your head, you get so closely associated with this “new person,” and your life path starts to head in a different direction. If you feel that you were there of that you might be headed there, remember this quote:

“Be careful not to build an unbreakable bond between what you do for a living and who you are as a person. It’s only the latter that matters. However, one who endeavors to build this bond in reverse order opens the door to limitless possibilities”

Finding out “who we are” is not such an easy task. It takes some people much longer than others to figure this out. Heck, some people never figure it out. They just sort of “jelly-fish” through life never really tapping into their true selves. In many cases, it takes some sort of tragic event or series of events to “shake them up” in an attempt to uncover who they were always meant to be. The key point here is to work hard to figure this out as soon as you can. If you have children, this is one of the most fundamental parenting functions that gets past up along the way. Everyone is different and everyone has a path. Young children need help finding their way. Teenagers, young adults, even “not so” young adults need help finding their way. It’s a true blessing to figure this out, but it is hard work. I have spent the last few years trying to figure out where I went wrong. What I realized, after careful evaluation, is that I didn’t stray as far off course as I originally thought. I just made some bad choices, which is very common for most of us. However, once we figure this out, the real test is....what will we do about it? What will we change? This is both a challenge and a gift at the same time. Don’t let it pass you by as you head into the New Year.

So....now we embark upon a new decade. I am very excited for the possibilities of 2010 and beyond. I hope you are as well. I am excited because I have prepared myself to meet new opportunities with a “plaster-free” version of myself. A version that no longer gives into the ego, temptations, and bad habits of the past. A version that feels very grateful for what I have. Five beautiful and healthy children, a family who loves and supports me, a renewed sense of faith, awesome friendships throughout the country, and a brand new job that has re-ignited the flames of my career. I recently have had the opportunity to start traveling again for business. This may not seem like a big deal, but it is for me. You see, in the past, I took all of this for granted. The nice hotels, the great meals, the expense account, the opportunity to visit different places to meet new people and reconnect with old friends. I look at some of these young business people in the airports, and feel compelled to go up to them and say, “Do you realize what you have here? Do you know that this could all be taken away in a heartbeat?” I imagine that they will figure it out along the way. I only hope it doesn’t happen to them as it did to me and so many of my friends and colleagues. I only hope that they can learn, early on, that it’s about who they are....and not about what they have....or what they do. Either way, it will all happen the way it’s supposed to happen.

I am hopeful that each one of you reading this message can reflect on the last few years and come away with some new strategies to become more grateful, more contemplative, and ultimately happier. Please know that I will be pulling for you as so many of you have pulled for me over the last few years. Your support has been overwhelming, and I am grateful to know each and every one of you.

Happy New Year……Tony

A letter to my son (AJ)

2009-10-11T18:27:00.000-07:00

It has been a few months since I last blogged, mostly due to the fact that nothing has really inspired me lately. I have had some more family challenges recently, with 2 of my sons spending time in the hospital. The first hospital visit was for my 9 year old son (Alexander) who had an appendectomy. He was a trooper, handled it like a champ, and was out in a few days. I think it was more difficult on his parents than it was on him. Nothing like the feeling of pain you have when your children are hurting. More recently, my oldest son AJ (who has Autism) has been admitted to hospital due to some unforeseen circumstances. This poor guy has been through many challenges over the years, and now the combination of adolescence, going back to school, and some other events just proved to be too much for him to handle. But an interesting thing is starting to occur as a result. I believe that he is really learning a lesson this time, and that he is truly starting to understand where he stands and what he needs to do to improve. Just last week, I brought a letter to him written by a friend of mine’s son who also has Asperger’s Syndrome. AJ was very encouraged by this letter, as this boy has made tremendous strides and is actually heading into his first year of college. I have noticed a recent change in AJ, and his courage has inspired me to write. When I was 14, all I had to think about was showing up for school, playing sports, and hanging out with my friends. My son has to deal with so much more, and I am so very proud him and how he is handling the current situation. I only pray that I have the strength, courage, and wisdom to make him half as proud of me as I am of him.

After I read him the letter, we started talking about many things. We talked about the difficulties in life, and about the book that I had just written about life and the changes I wanted to make. In the past, we have always been curious about what actually gets in, and what AJ is able to comprehend. I have always had a sense that AJ understands way more than he leads us to believe. But now I can actually see it in his eyes, and he is started to respond in a more mature and appropriate manner. It’s one small step, but I am very happy and encouraged about what I am seeing in him. We also talked about me writing a letter to him. I told him that I would, and that I would bring it with me next time we were together. Well, I had all of the other children with me this weekend, and as is typical of my inspirational moments…..this one came in the middle of the night when I woke up from a deep sleep. Here it is:

To my dear son AJ:

I awoke from a deep sleep last night thinking of you alone in the Hospital. This has been a typical occurrence for me over the last several weeks, but this time it felt different. I got up to check on your brothers and sister and I realized how much I missed you. Things are just not the same without you around AJ, and I wanted you to know how much I love you. I also wanted you to know how proud I am of you and what you are trying to do. I know this must be hard for you, but I always knew you had an internal strength that you could draw upon if you had to in order to help you get to the next level. When I visited you the other day, you and I talked about a letter that I would write to you. Well, the words are with me this morning…..so here it is my son.

I remember the day you were born like it was yesterday buddy. I believe I had all of the doctors and nurses walking on egg shells because I was so intensely focused on all of the monitors, what was going on with you and your mom, and I asked tons of questions about everything. I was very proud to be having a son. So proud, that your mom agreed that we name you after me. My first born son, Anthony George Caico Jr. (AJ). The bond I felt with you that day has never left me and it will continue to be there forever, in this life and the next. I have some very fond memories from when you were a baby. Things were a bit easier back then, having only one child and giving it undivided attention. Your demeanor was both sweet and strong, and those qualities have stayed with you and will always be a part of who you are.

I remember when you were about a year old and you started exhibiting some unique and awesome qualities. You could actually recite your ABCs and count to 100 before you were 2. Your brain function was (and still is) advanced, and those qualities will also stay with you forever. Always remember, that you have the power to draw upon these qualities whenever you want, and they will help you now and in the future. Sometimes it just takes people longer to tap into their true strengths, but when they do the possibilities are limitless.

When you were about 2 ½, your mom and I were starting to get concerned with some of your behaviors, and we started visiting many doctors and specialists. It was a long journey for us and we went many months without answers to our questions. One night, while browsing the Internet, I stumbled upon Asperger’s Syndrome. It didn’t take long for your mom and I to figure out that this was what we were up against. We spent that evening crying ourselves to sleep as most parents would do. Yes, we were upset, but at no time did we say “Why us?”or “Why AJ?” You see my son, many people go through far more difficult situations than this, and we realized that God has a reason for everything that happens. This is the lesson I have been trying to teach you recently, and one that I think you are finally starting to understand. I believe this because of the way you reacted to the letter I read you from my friend’s Autistic son last week. Do remember when he talked about how he went from feeling sorry for himself, to realizing that he could be a productive and successful member of society despite his disability? We talked about it, and I felt that you were very encouraged. I hope this letter has a similar effect AJ. A message of love, hope, and encouragement from someone who loves you beyond measure. Your dad.

I also want to take this opportunity to tell you that I am sorry for many things. Your Dad has made some mistakes in the past, and one of the repercussions of my actions is that I don’t get to spend as much time with you as I would like. It seems as though you and I lost our way with each other over this time, and I take full responsibility for that. I was not as present in your life as I should have been, and for that, I am deeply sorry. I have paid for my mistakes AJ, and all I can do now is focus on the present and future. The most important aspect of my life is the health and well being of my children, and I will do whatever I can to make up for lost time. I am here for you my son, and always will be. No matter what happens, you can count on me buddy.

Right now, your mom and I are staying totally focused on making the best decisions we can for your care and your future. I know it must be a bit confusing for you now, but this is a critical time for you to learn some new skills to deal with your disability. We all need to work together to give you the best possible chance to have the life you deserve. A life filled with happiness, joy, success, and love. I am sure that you will find all of these things….and your life will be great.

You see AJ, we are in this together. Dad’s life is also still very hard right now, and when I think of you, it gives me strength. You may not realize this AJ, but you have tremendous courage. Like I mentioned above, I very proud to call you my son. I know that we sort of got off track with each other, but I promise that I will do everything I can to continue to build and strengthen our relationship. I love you with all of my heart and soul, and our bond is forever……unbreakable.
Dad

A Life Lesson From Tom Watson

2009-07-22T08:16:00.001-07:00

I really can’t let this week slip by without writing about Tom Watson’s performance at the British Open this past weekend. I still have a bit of a queasy feeling in my stomach over his second place finish, and I keep going back to the 18th hole; “If only his 7 iron would have stopped on the green….he would have won the tournament!!” At 59 years of age, he certainly defied the odds, and if he had won he would have been the oldest major champion ever.....by a stunning 13 years. An incredible feat from an incredible man that has surely recharged many of us “middle-aged” golfers. Especially those of us who have been watching Tom Watson play golf for so many years. I had such a horrible feeling when he didn't win, but I soon realized that golf is just a game. Watson’s own comment after the round helped me come to grips with this when he said, “this is not a funeral folks”. He’s right…and as I pondered this remarkable weekend experience, I couldn’t stop thinking about the connection between this event and the book that I have just finished writing.

If anyone has read my short bio on the side of my blog, you would have noticed that I was in the process of writing my 1st book, and my goal was to finish it by this summer. Well, I am proud to say that I have accomplished my task. No surprise, my book is entitled, My Back 9. It’s basically about the second half of one’s life, and is designed like the back 9 of a golf course. Throughout my book, I use the analogies between life and golf as the backdrop for the endeavor, and the highs and lows of Watson’s performance on Sunday solidified my belief that this great game has the ability to give us so many lessons that we can utilize in our own lives.

The 2009 British Open was played at the famed Turnbury in Scotland this past weekend. This venue has some very rich history, and many great golf tournaments have been played on these hallowed grounds. There is a fantastic and historic lighthouse that stands tall at the turn (between 9 and 10) at Turnbury. This lighthouse was actually built by the father of the great Scottish writer, Robert Louis Stevenson. As I perused through some archives, I found the perfect quote from this great writer that symbolizes Tom Watson and what he accomplished this weekend:

“If a man loves the labour of his trade, apart from any question of success or fame, the gods have called him”

Yes, I know he didn’t actually win, but life isn’t always about winning. It’s about trying, it's about the effort to win. The journey.....not the destination. I was reminded of the incredible synergies between golf and life again this weekend, as I witnessed this spectacular event. I had all 4 of my boys in the room watching with me, and I explained to them that they were witnessing history. Of course, when he didn’t win, they were also very disappointed. However, a life lesson was soon to follow. You see, just because we try hard and give a strong effort, that doesn’t mean everything is going to turn out in our favor. Quite often, things don’t turn out well at all, even when our plight is accompanied by tremendous effort. It’s all part of this thing we call life, and contrary to what many say; I don’t think life is like a roller coaster. I think life is more like a railroad track. Rick Warren, the author of A Purpose Driven Life, said it best:

“I used to think that life was hills and valleys - you go through a dark time, then you go to the mountaintop, back and forth. I don't believe that anymore. Rather than life being hills and valleys, I believe that it's kind of like two rails on a railroad track, and at all times you have something good and something bad in your life. No matter how good things are in your life, there is always something bad that needs to be worked on. And no matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something good you can thank God for”

I realize that this was only a golf game and the fact that Tom Watson came in second place was not the end of the world. However, if you are like me, the feeling you had when the tournament slipped away from Watson was very powerful and sad. Although the feeling was brief, you can liken it to feelings of disappointment you have in your own life. The main point here is that moments like this give us an opportunity to take a deep dive into our own lives. How do we handle our ups and downs? Do we realize, like Mr. Warren’s states above, that life will continue to throw us curveballs? Do we realize that we are not always going to win? How will we react when things do not go our way? Well, Tom Watson gives us another great example in defeat. He was gracious, genuinely happy for the victor (Stewart Cink), humbled by the experience, and grateful for having played a part in this great golf tournament at the ripe age of 59. WOW!!

Golf has a very magnetic and spiritual quality to it, and the older I get; the more I appreciate the energy surge that I get from this great game. I would like to thank Mr. Watson for giving my 4 boys and I a great experience and life lesson this weekend. A lesson in humility, perseverance, courage, and grace. A lesson that I will not soon forget.

The SHACK

2009-06-16T13:38:00.000-07:00

I just got finished reading one of the most incredible books I have ever read, and there is a force beyond my control that is typing these words right now. Heck, I don’t even know what I am going to say, but I can assure you it will have deep meaning for me. I hope it will for you. The book is entitled The Shack, by WM. Paul Young, and it was recommended to me by 2 of my closest friends. Their recommendations were served up within days of each other, and their individual places in my life are separated by many years. The first is an old and dear friend of mine from my college days. This person has been such a valuable and supportive friend to me over the years, and our relationship continues to grow. We met while I was a freshman in college and he was a senior. For some reason (sports, beer, music, girls, etc...), we took a liking to each other and I was introduced to all of his friends, who were also seniors. Typically, in college, seniors do not hang out with freshman (it’s just not cool), but I never really did follow any conventional rules. Anyway, I was in the group, and my first year at college was by far my most enjoyable, thanks to this group of friends. Most of whom I am still acquainted with, but this one person and I are still very close after 25 years or so. The other recommendation came from one my newest friends. She and I have started an excellent relationship, and she has made a tremendous impact on my life. She has been there for me throughout the absolute most difficult time of my life, when I needed someone the most, and I am so grateful for her. She and I share so much in common with regard to personal growth, spirituality, and many other facets of life. As a matter of fact, she is a professional Life Coach. Actually, that is how we met. She is so awesome that I feel compelled…..right now.....to give her a little “plug” for her business. Her website is www.inventyourlife.com. Check it out, you will not regret it.

So, there it is, two very special people (they know who they are) offering up a recommendation for a book….how could I go wrong? Well, this book has touched me in ways I could not have imagined. A life changer….for sure. The timing of this read was perfect for me, as so much of the deep rooted meaning within these pages reflects upon many facets of life that I have been contemplating over the last few years. Mostly about God, spirituality, and the multitude of “unanswered” questions associated with this topic. In addition, I totally identified with the main character of this book. We have so much in common, it was like the book was written for me….a feeling that I am quite sure many others get when they ingest this book. Although they never quite gave his age, it seemed to me that he was in his mid-forties. He had five children, the youngest being a girl. He had some tragic things happen to him over the course of his life, and he could not bear to live with his pain. The similarities haunted me throughout the book, but the connection was powerful. Did you ever hear the expression, “This book was so good, I couldn't put it down”? Well, I read this book in one day. Sure, I have done that before, but not with such passion and conviction. I was literally lost in this guy’s world for the entire time. I laughed, I cried (a bunch), and I re-read so many of the educational pieces about God and our relationship with him. It was a fascinating experience, one that I will not soon forget. I am actually considering reading it again, very soon, this time with my yellow marker. I always say I am going to start reading with a yellow marker, but I never seem to execute. Something I am determined to change…..maybe with this book. It’s funny, when I mentioned how much I like the book to my Life Coach pal; she told me she was reading it for the third time. It’s really that impactful folks.

This book is fiction, which excited me from the beginning. I really have to force myself to read fiction, as I historically have more of an affinity for non-fiction. I’m looking right now at the back cover, and this quote sums it up:

“This story reads like a prayer – like the best kind of prayer, filled with sweat and wonder and transparency and surprise. If you read one fiction this year, let this be it” – Mike Morrell

I’ll try not to give too much away, but the basic plot centers on a tragedy involving the main character’s (Mack) youngest daughter. This alone threw me over the edge on a few different occasions. Both the tragedy and joy that surrounds this sweet little girl flung me into a waterfall of tears that were…at times….uncontrollable. My youngest child is also a little girl, so anyone who has children (especially a young daughter)….I am warning you now....get the tissues. The unspeakable horror of these events starts a long and painful journey for the main character, who ends up face to face with God himself. Or in this case, God herself….but that’s all I am saying on that topic :). He receives an anonymous note, from what he believe is God who wants to meet him in the exact location of the tragedy with his baby girl. He decides to take the journey, and he becomes witness to a wonder of events and experiences that will change his life forever. He gets to interact with God, ask questions, face his demons and his past, and ultimately his darkest nightmare. What is so fantastic about this book is that the questions he asks are so familiar with the questions we all have: What is heaven like, and how can I get there? Where is God in a world so filled with unspeakable pain? Couldn't God have avoided what happened to his daughter…..what happens to us? What about religion, which one is right? How do I know that God is with me? Mack gets his answers relayed back to him with deep meaning and conviction. The dialog between Mack, God (as well as Jesus and the Holy Spirit) is captivating. The examples they use to explain the content are easily understood and transferable to our own lives and experiences. Again, I felt like someone was actually explaining all of these things to me for the first time. No pressure, no rules and regulations, just flat out make sense answers to these questions that we ALL have. I was actually getting some of MY own questions answered. What we realize by diving into these pages is that God is always there, and that the circumstances of life are driven by our human desire to be independent. Yes, God knows what is going to happen, but that doesn’t mean he will stop it from happening. God made us to love, to be humble, to be peaceful, and to live in his image. The image he clearly set for us when he sent his son, Jesus, to earth to set the example. However, he also gave us free will to make our own decisions, and many of us have taken advantage of this free will and to let the other dude (the one who resides a bit further south) have his way with us. Certainly, that is what happened to me. What I now realize is that God has always been there for me. I realize that he is actually teaching me a great lesson throughout my recent struggles, and I have the opportunity for spiritual growth, forgiveness, and redemption. A lesson I am thankful for, and this book really brought it home for me.

Regardless of your religious or spiritual views, you will LOVE this book. The statement underneath the title says: “Where tragedy meets eternity”. One of the things I have learned by reading this book is that we can be in this world but don’t have to be of this world. There is something greater waiting for us; all we have to do is believe. I will conclude with a quote on spirituality that I made up for another project I am working on. This quote encompasses my belief and I am very thankful that it was somewhat validated by this fabulous piece of literature that I just read:

“From the beginning of time there has been a predestined purpose for every single human being who has entered this world. Our first challenge is to have faith and to believe that this is true. Our second challenge is to find the right path that connects us to that purpose, and to be steadfast and strong while we stay on that path. And our third and final challenge is to never forget the first two”
Tony Caico

Pay it Forward

2009-05-17T14:49:00.000-07:00

I received a video clip the other day from the movie Pay it Forward, with Haley-Joel Osment, Helen Hunt, and Kevin Spacey. For those of you who have not seen this movie yet, I would encourage you to do so as soon as you can. I will not divulge the details of the entire story, but let’s just say that the connection between the title and the story is so powerful, that it quite possibly will change your life…..at least temporarily. I watched the movie several years ago, and I remember being very moved by the story. I’m sure it brought tears to my eyes at the time, but quite frankly, I was in such a different emotional space than I'm in now, and the feeling didn’t last. So even though I was moved by the story…..and it impacted me at the moment...it really didn’t change my life. Like many people caught up their egocentric lives, I just had too much on my own plate to be concerned about paying something forward. I figured that, in my own way, I was already doing things to help people, and that was enough.

If you have been following my blog, you probably know that my life is a bit different now than it used to be. Throughout my transformation, I have become much more introspective and inquisitive about things....all things. I can’t get my hands on enough reading material, and I find real peace, comfort, and joy in learning new things…..mostly as they relate to philosophy, spirituality, and human nature in general. I seemed to have awoken from some sort of cocoon state and now have a heightened sense of awareness of everything I read, see, touch, and experience. While I was watching this clip on Pay it Forward the other day, I started crying like a child. Yes guys…..it’s OK to cry :). But these weren’t sad tears…..it was just flat out emotion. A real sense of excitement and joy at the simple prospect of people helping others in need. Another reason for my tears was that the character played by Osment was about the same age as my son Alexander. Last year, at Christmas time, my 5 kids and I were driving to Target to get some gifts with the Christmas money they got from my mom. They each got $5 and we were off to get some more much needed (:))toys. On the way to the store, we passed a homeless man. Alexander was sitting in the front seat and he said to me, “Hey dad, what is that man doing?” I told him that he was homeless and that he was probably trying to get some money for some food. We were on the other side of the street, so we didn’t stop and that was basically the end of the conversation. We went to the store, the kids got their toys, but Alexander didn’t get anything. When I asked him why, he told me that he wanted to give his $5 to the homeless man on our way home. Well, I cried that day....and cried again because the video clip reminded me of that day.

Anyway, that is basically what the movie is all about. Again, not to give too much away, but the basic premise is that by Paying it Forward…..we can change the world. Yes, actually change the world. Hokey…..you think?? Well…not me.

You see, if you live your life each day with a focus on helping others, and they do the same, the snowball can get really big as it rolls down the hill. The key is for each of us to actually believe this is true. Many people will say, “Well, I am just one person…..nothing that I can do can change the world”. The truth is that by changing your world and the worlds of the few people you help, YOU are actually contributing to the greater good….and you ARE changing the world. Have you ever heard people say, “I want to be part of something greater than myself?” Well my friends, here’s your chance. Here’s your opportunity to change the way you live. I can tell it’s through times of difficulty that we find our true path. For me, it’s a path to make a significant contribution to as many people as I can through my writing, my relationships, and most importantly through the way I live my life every day. What is it for you? When is the last time you “paid it forward”? It’s very easy to start. First, make a list of the people in your life…..right now....that need some sort of help. It could be anything, but make sure it’s something that you feel you can help with. Than just call them up, go visit them, send something in the mail……and guess what? You did it!!

As for me, I have been trying to help people become better for the better part of 25 years...but I kind of missed the boat. The boat I missed lies in the “reason” I set out to help these people. You see I always had some sort of angle or agenda. Maybe, it was to get ahead in business, to grow my sales numbers, to earn more money, or even to get a promotion. As I look back, I am quite sure that there was some authenticity in my approach....but not the type that is needed to actually “change” myself….and ultimately the people around me. The bottom line is that you Pay it Forward just because it’s the “right thing to do”.....and you do it from the bottom of your heart. A servant’s heart.....that’s where the rewards come from. It’s truly the small and simple things in life that make all of the difference. If you concentrate on helping others and stay focused on making this a part of your daily life, your life will be filled with abundance. Remember, the real trick here is to do it from a place deep inside that can’t be touched by anyone but you. If you do it get recognized, you will water it down, and your rewards will be temporarily. Trust me, I have traveled that path, and it honestly leads nowhere. The real path is to live a “Pay it Forward” life. I will conclude with an excellent and poignant quote by F.B Meyer:

“I used to think that God’s gifts were on shelves one above the other, and the taller we grew in character the easier we could reach them. I now find that God’s gifts are on shelves one beneath the other. It is not a question of growing taller, but of stooping down, to get His best gifts”

PS – In true Pay it Forward fashion…..here’s the link to the video clip. This will make your day!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JvbgetKzrmA&feature=related

Adversity

2009-05-02T08:24:00.001-07:00

“What doesn’t kill us….makes us stronger” What do you think? Is there truth in this statement, or do people just say it to keep others motivated in troubled times? Well, after reading about some recent suicides in the financial services sector today, I started thinking deeply about this topic. You see, for those of us who are actually in the financial services industry, these tragic stories hit very close to home. The last few years have been very challenging to say the least in this business sector….specifically in the mortgage banking space. The recent recession has certainly taken its toll, and its tentacles reach far and wide. I was reading an article yesterday about some of the more high-profile suicides, all from the financial services industry:

David Kellerman: The Freddie Mac acting chief financial officer was found hanging in his basement on April 22. It has been speculated that the stress of the failing mortgage giant was the reason.
René-Thierry Magon de La Villehuchet: The head of a French investment company — and major investor with Bernie Madoff — took his life at his desk in New York in December.
Adolf Merckle: This German industrialist, who in 2007 was ranked Forbes' 44th richest man, threw himself in front of a train in January. In 2008, he dropped dramatically on the Forbes list.
Patrick Rocca: The so-called poster boy of Ireland's Celtic Tiger shot himself in the head in January. In 2007, his fortune topped an estimated $647 million.

These are all very tragic stories, and my heart goes out to the families of these individuals. The article really got me thinking about the adversity we each face in our own lives. Adversity is something we all deal with on a daily basis, but the extent varies from person to person. Not only does the extent vary, but our corresponding reaction (and actions) to adversity vary. Our reactions either set us on a course to recovery, or set the table for more pain and suffering. Sort of like the old saying,

“10 percent of life is what happens to you, and 90% of life is how you react to it”

I started wondering about what was going through their minds at the very moment that they choose to take their own lives. I’m fairly certain that I can’t compare myself with some of these financial giants, and I have never once thought about taking my own life, but in some fashion I can relate to the stress they must have felt. I can relate because I am a recent casualty of the mortgage banking meltdown. I can relate because I still have conversations, every day, with friends and colleagues from this industry. Conversations that include reminiscing, consult, and strategy as many of us attempt to dig our way out of our respective holes. I am fortunate to have a very supportive family and some great friends to talk to that have helped me through my troubled times. Perhaps these men above weren’t so fortunate. Troubled times that continue for many, certainly for me. I just got laid off last week for the second time in two years. Yep….that’s right. I have been working a full time job since I was 15 years old (that’s 31 years if your counting), and I can only remember getting laid off once before.

Usually something inspires me to write, and today is no different. The combination of these tragic stories and the book I am currently reading arrived at an interesting intersection yesterday. I have been reading from Rick Warren’s, “A Purpose Driven Life”. I am thoroughly enjoying reading this book and it already seems to be sharpening my spiritual focus. Basically, the book has 40 chapters and Mr. Warren takes you on a 40 day journey in an attempt to answer the question “Why am I on this earth?” A friend of mine who has read this book suggested that I read the entire book right through, instead of reading one chapter per day. However, I made the decision to listen to the author’s advice and read one chapter per day. I have just “rediscovered” my faith….so to speak….so focusing on the fundamentals is a good place for me to be right now. Just this morning I was reading in the chapter “Life is a Temporary Assignment”. The basic premise here is that we are on this earth for a very short time, and our time on earth is basically made up of a series of “tests” and will be filled with adversity in preparation for eternity. Our ability to navigate our way though this adversity determines our next assignment. After I read this chapter yesterday morning, I opened up my PC and read the article about the suicides. I started contemplating on the correlation between these two complete opposite ends of the spectrum. The reminder of how precious and short life is, and the stark reality of suicide. I have no way of telling what went through the minds of these individuals, but one can assume that they may not have believed that life was a temporary assignment in preparation for the next life. Perhaps they did believe that were being tested….they believed that they failed….and that there was no other way out.

It’s very typical for us to think about our own lives and our own situations when we read stories like this. Well, I am no different….and my thoughts immediately drew inward as I tried to come to grips with all of the trials and tribulations in my own life these last few years. It’s been quite a period of adversity for me, and I’m not sure it’s over yet. In the last several years, my marriage fell apart, I lost my job (well…now 2 jobs), I lost my home, had my car repossessed, collected unemployment for the first time in my life, went through a period of heavy drinking and depression, and had to move 4 times for financial reasons. I am currently live in my sister’s house (thank God for that), driving a car that my parents helped me get (ditto), and I’m still clawing my way out of the entire mess.

Why do I tell you this? Mostly, because how I feel today…..which is happy and grateful in spite of my circumstances. I feel very confident and fortunate that I am weathering the storm with my head held high. Also, throughout this difficult time in my life, I have become more aware and sensitive to the problems of other people in my life. I have a few very close friends that have lost love one’s throughout this time (I have not). I have friends that have very serious health problems with either themselves or family members (I do not). My 5 incredible children are very healthy and happy. My relationships are strong and getting stronger. My personal health is excellent and improving every day. My spiritual focus has been renewed.

You must remember, although your problems seem very large to you, it’s always helpful to put them into perspective. Yes, I am still going through some adversity, but I absolutely believe that these series of “tests” are making me stronger. I feel like it’s all building up to something fantastic on the other side. Whether it’s in this life or the next, somewhere down the line things will be great for me. Just this week I started a new business and have a final interview for a fantastic new job (fingers crossed). You see, things are looking up already. Going through this adversity has not only made me stronger, but better, closer to God, more authentic, more humble, more creative, more sensitive, and a much better father.

It’s really hard for me to say that I wish that everyone could experience some serious adversity in order to make them stronger. That’s not really true for all people. What I can say is what I know to be true for me. This is the fact that I now know that this is the exact path that I was meant to be on all along. I was meant to be tested like this. I was supposed to lose all of the things that I lost. Perhaps due to the fact that I had failed some previous tests. Not quite sure about that one and I don’t spend much time thinking about the past anymore. My focus is on my faith, my children, my health, and my ultimate comeback. My focus is on the present, understanding that adversity is sure to come my way, and preparing myself to deal with it better each time.

How about you? What is your test? What adversity are you going through? I know it’s something. How are you handling your adversity? We should keep reminding ourselves that our time on this earth is brief, and our problems…..although insurmountable at times…..are all problems we can handle. Ultimately, it was all suppose to happen just the way it happened.

Which path will you take in reaction to adversity?

Health and Well Being

2009-04-14T18:40:00.000-07:00

Greetings my friends. Here I go with my 2nd post. Since I have not really informed many people of my blog to date, I would encourage you (time permitting) to read my 1st post (below) before this one. Your choice….but the 1st piece kind of outlines my “blogolosophy”. I’m sure that’s not a word……but maybe it will catch on :).

I am writing today because I know…..deep down…..that I am finally starting to grasp what it really means to be healthy. Yes…..health…..a critically important aspect of one’s life that has somehow eluded me over the years. I am very pleased to have a new found interest and desire for optimal health, and I am totally determined to tackle this major component of my life. Although I will turn 46 this week (ouch!!), my children are still all very young (4-14). Therefore, I really need to be living (health wise) like I am 36. By the way….scientifically speaking…..this can really be done. If you read the first chapter in Dr Oz’s 1st book, “You, the Owner’s Manual”, you will see that everyone can live up to 10 years younger (from a physical health perspective) than their actual age. Health is certainly a topic that should be near and dear to most, especially for those of us heading into the second half of our lives…..or our “back 9”. You will see me refer to the back 9 quite often in my writing. After all, it is title of my blog, my website (coming soon), as well as the branding message for my new mission focused on improving all of the key elements of my life.

Wouldn't you agree that health, fitness, diet, and ultimately well being should be at the top of everyone’s daily agenda? It’s a topic that is talked about in the media, the internet, in books and magazines, on Oprah, and many other mediums. Unfortunately, it’s also a topic that many of us seem to have place on the back burner over the years. This has certainly been the case for me, as I have totally abused my body for many years. So much so that I feel extremely fortunate not have any severe health problems as a result. However, like many other middle aged men, I do suffer from fatigue, lack of focus and energy, and lower back pain from time to time. Additionally, I still have an over sized mid-section that I have been fighting (on and off) for about 15 years. My diet, physical activity and exercise regimen looks more like a cyclone roller coaster than anything else. I have dieted, lost weight (gained weight), and exercised on and off throughout this time. However, I missed the boat on the most important element of all. I have not made this a part of my everyday life. You see, it’s not about dieting and exercising…..it’s about living a healthy life.

I know I’m not alone here, as many of my personal family members and friends are in the same boat. You may be thinking to yourself…. “Yeah…..that’s me too” So, the question remains.... "What are we going to do about it?" Being healthy and fit truly needs to be a ubiquitous part of our daily lives. We all know that being healthy is so very important, so why is it so difficult? Like so many other aspects of our lives, it basically just boils down to will power and discipline. The great football coach of the Green Bay Packers, Vince Lombardi said it best:

“The good Lord gave you a body that can stand almost anything. It’s your mind you have to convince. Mental toughness is many things and rather difficult to explain. Its qualities like sacrifice and self-denial. Also, most importantly, it is combined with a perfectly disciplined will that refuses to give in. It’s a state of mind-you could call….character in action?”

Character in action…..I love that statement.

One of the things I have done to take action lately has been to pay very close attention to my eating habits, both the quantity and quality. Fortunately, I have a ton of reference books on the topic because I have been trying to tackle this for years. The best one I have found is Dr Rolzen and Dr. Oz’s book I mentioned above. Throughout this book, you will find a series of crib sheets that offer suggestions and practical solutions on improving your health. For example, here’s what they say about the quality and quantity of our food intake:

• Meal schedule – Eat when hungry, not famished, and make your last meal at least three hours before bed.
• Plate size – 9 inches, not the usual 11-13 inch variety.
• Foods to eat daily – 9 handfuls of fruits and vegetables; at least ounce of nuts; whole-grain breads and cereals that contain fiber.
• Foods to eat at least three times per week – Fish (like line-caught salmon, mahi mahi, tilapia, catfish and flounder).
• Foods to eat weekly – 10 tablespoons of cooked tomato products
• Food to avoid – Processed foods that contain trans or saturated fats; White foods like creamed sauces, white bread, white rice and simple sugar.; Products containing high-fructose corn syrup
• To drink daily – 64 ounces of water, 2 glasses skim or low-fat milk, 1 glass of wine
• To take daily – 1 multivitamin that contains at least 800 micrograms of folate, 400 IU of vitamin D, 1200 milligrams of calcium, 400 milligrams of magnesium, and a daily value (dv) of all others. 2 aspirin (taken with a half glass of warm water before and after). Omega-3 fatty acids (2 grams) can be obtained by consuming nuts and fish above.

One of the main items that caught my attention here was Omega 3s. I have been hearing and reading so much about Omega 3s lately, and the importance of getting these into our bodies. As luck would have it, about 2 weeks after I started this research, I was introduced to an amazing product. It’s called MILA, and it comes from the Chia seed. This product has the highest and safest combination of Omega 3s (fatty acids), antioxidants, fiber and phytonutrients of any source on the planet. I started taking the product about 3 weeks ago, and I feel better than I have in quite some time. I have more energy, focus, and I know that I am making a wise and healthy choice. As many of you already know, our bodies can not produce Omega 3s.

Therefore, we must get them from other sources. Before MILA, you needed to get them from fish, fish oil, or flax seed (yuck!). MILA has 3 grams of Omega 3s per serving. 1 gram more than Dr. Oz says we need everyday. I can almost guarantee that most of us have not taken our daily requirement of Omega 3s, but like I said, we absolutely need this in our bodies. We are talking about improving our overall health and well being….right? Just take a gander at all of the improved health components associated with this product. The AMA, WebMD, and many other well respected medical schools agree that the nutritional components of MILA can offer you better health:

Heart Disease, Anti-Aging, Weight Loss, Healthy Blood Pressure, Menopause, Osteoporosis, Mental Health, Type II Diabetes, and Pre-Natal health.

Wow……that says it all folks.

If you are interested in finding our more about Lifemax and MILA, please visit this website:

www.lifemax.net

I....for one.....am taking a hard stance on health. Are you??

About my Bolg

2009-04-07T08:53:00.000-07:00

Well.....here I go....finally starting a blog. I thought that it might be a good idea to start by letting people know what they can expect by reading/following my blog. First, a little history regarding the origin of my passion for writing. I have spent the last 15 years of my career as a sales manager. In my opinion, in order to be an effective sales manager, one must develop a strong ability to motivate and influence others. From the beginning, I had a passion for motivating others, and for me, it was one of the most rewarding aspects of the job. However, I soon realized, that in order for me to be a more effective motivator, I needed more education. I immediately started reading every book I could get my hands on about: leadership, sales, and motivation. I ingested as much information as I could on these topics from authors like: John Maxwell, Jeffery Gitamor, Jeffery Fox, and Tony Robbins. Once I started putting into practice all of the things I was learning, my sales teams started to perform at a higher level, and my course was set.

Early in my sales management career, when my teams were fairly small, I had the time to work with and motivate team members individually. I really enjoyed taking the time to work with each one of them, and did my best to help them achieve their goals. This was also very rewarding for me, because I believed that while I was assisting them with their strategies and goals, they were helping me become a more effective leader. However, as my sales teams grew, I needed to find some new, interesting, and creative ways to motivate my team. Phone conferences and sales meetings were great, but I still wanted to be able to add a "personal touch" that could resonate with each individual. Something that was powerful enough so each person could potentially grab just a little "nugget" from each piece that may help them improve in some fashion. Therefore, I started to write what I viewed as "motivational" e-mails. Before then, I didn't have much interest in writing, and certainly didn't believe it would end up becoming a personal passion. However, once I started writing these e-mails, and getting positive feedback, I began to actually enjoy the creative process. Writing was very new to me, but the prospect of creating correspondence that would be read by others, and maybe....just maybe....could give them the extra "spark" they needed that day.....gave me an awesome feeling. A feeling I still get every time I write.

One of the other revelations I have had recently, was that being a sales manager and motivating people has helped me build a plethora of phenomenal relationships across the country. Many of the colleagues and salespeople that I have had the pleasure to work with have actually become my personal friends. I have done my best to stay connected with as many of these people as I can, and these relationships have become a very important part of my life. As a matter of fact, a few months ago, I took an assessment from the Dan Rath book, Strength Finder 2.0. As the title indicates, the assessment is designed to analyze your top 5 strengths. For me, my top strength was "Connectedness". I was very pleased, because this is what my life has always been about, even more so today. I truly enjoy connecting with people, and adding value to their lives any way I can. This is why I enjoyed being a sales manager, and this is why I enjoy writing.

As I write this note today I am no longer a sales manager (bummer). This is certainly a position that I miss greatly. However, through my writing, I still get to connect with all of these great people that I have been fortunate enough to meet over the years. I still get to share my thoughts, strategies, and ideas....and I still get to receive heart-warming feedback from many.

My writing has taken more of an "inward" tone in the last year or so, mainly due to the personal tragedies and difficulties I have experienced in my own life. Through my writing, I have been able to heal, and also have had the opportunity to share with many others who have gone through similar circumstances. You see, the mortgage banking world has pretty much been turned upside down in recent years, and many of my friends and colleagues have had a difficult time adjusting. Certainly it has been a challenge for me. But its a challenge that I am eternally grateful for, due to the fact that my perspective on life, work, family, relationships, spirituality, and many other topics have been altered in a very positive manner.

So, basically, if you have the time to follow some of my writing.....here's what you will find:
1 - I write from my heart
2 - I will write about topics that inspire me, and nothing is off-limits. Sports, politics, literature, current events, music, philosophy, history, people, business...to mention a few. There are not many topics that do not interest me.
3 - The subject matter will typically be accompanied by some sort of deep "message", some "quotes", and an occasional video or attachment.
4 - I will attempt to make a connection between the title and the content, so folks can ascertain for themselves whether or not its a topic they wish to read about.
5 - I tend to go off on tangents (sorry)....but I usually figure out a way to tie it all together and put a nice, pretty bow on it. :))

I would love you to join and follow my blog, and I welcome your comments. Corrective criticism, suggestions, new topics, or whatever feedback you desire is absolutely appreciated and welcomed. That's it for now......stay well my friends.......tc

Peace, Love, and Understanding

2009-03-15T07:42:00.000-07:00

Greetings my friends. Well……here I go again……another “jolt” of inspiration has struck me this morning…..and the thoughts, ideas, and their respective connections all started bouncing around in my brain. Typically, what happens to me is those thoughts turn into words….and those words (and associated message) start getting typed…..and ultimately “cry out” to be shared. Today, the inspiration has come from an old high school friend who posted a video on her Facebook site. I have neither seen nor spoken to this person in over 25 years, but today her message was the “grease” I needed to get me wheels in motion. How cool is that?? She posted an old video of the Elvis Costello’s song, “Peace, Love, and Understanding”. This is one of my favorite songs of all-time, but this version is particularly special in light of the fact that Elvis is joined by Nick Lowe…..who actually wrote the song. The song has an incredible message….especially today…..when our economy is struggling so badly….and so many of us are feeling the effects in our personal lives.

As I perused through my updated e-mail distribution list in preparation to send this today, I was both amazed and thankful to have so many people in my circle. I continue to add new friends to my list, and I hope that my correspondence is welcomed. I am hopeful that each and every one of you fine folks can draw some sort of inspiration and/or relevance from my messages, and that you are able to make a correlation to what is actually going on in your respective lives. If you do not wish to be included on my distribution going forward, please let me know. I will not take it personally….some people just don’t like reading long blogs. My messages are intense, lengthy, detailed, and I realize that time schedules are very tight. OK, enough about that….let’s get back to our song.

As I watched the video this morning, I was aided by the fact the video has the words to the song posted on the screen while they are performing. I found it very interesting (and thought you might as well) that the subtitles we also in Chinese. For me, that added a strong international flavor.....and for some reason....made the message resonate even more soundly with me today. After I listened to and watched the video, I immediately went to the internet, downloaded the lyrics, and started dissecting the message. The messages regarding darkness, hatred, pain, misery, lost hope, and troubled times have such an intense connection to what is going on our worlds today. I have personally felt all of these emotions throughout the last year or so, as I am sure many of you have. I have had conversations about these exact messages with lots of you, and the fact that we get to share them with each other means allot to me. The conversation usually ends with encouraging words from both sides. This positive interaction helps us cope with our own situations, and helps us continue to build relationships with each other. I will tell you, that this both very important and rewarding for me, and has become part of my daily life. The great French author, Francois Mauriac said it best;

"No love, no friendship, can cross the path of our destiny without leaving some mark on it forever"

The most interesting and poignant thing about Elvis and Nick's song is that the message is not really about lost hope or darkness……it’s actually about Peace, Love, and Understanding. I have been told by many people over the years that I am too intense. I have been told that I dig into things too deeply. I have been accused of “soap-boxing” more times than I care to remember. However, I am perfectly comfortable responding to those confrontations. For those of you who have spent time with me, you can attest to the fact that I am usually not left without something to say in response. :)This is who I am, and as I tread through this difficult time in my life……I realize more and more……that this is “exactly” who I am. The difference for me now is that my responses come from a much more warm, safe, and authentic place. At least this is how I see it. Therefore, the question; “What’s so funny about Peace, Love, and Understanding??......has a deep and soulful meaning for me.

If we all just slowed down a little, and took time to actively pursue these things in our lives……we would be enriched in many ways. Let’s unpack each of these together:

Peace – Clearly, it’s hard to have peace in your life when things seem upside down. One of the ways I have tried to capture this in my life is through faith. I have recently reconnected with my faith, and it has provided with both the strength and the peace I need to help me get through some very tough days. Another trick I have used is to think about being grateful for the things I do have, as opposed to worrying about the things I don’t have. This is a big change for me, but one that I needed to make for quite sometime now. The fact is that god has blessed me with 5 phenomenal children, a "gaggle" of great friends throughout the world (I have some good pals in India now), and a skill set that gives me an opportunity to communicate and share with others. All of these give me peace. What is it for you?

Love – I have started reading the Bible more than ever before. What I have found is that god’s unconditional “love” for all of us is unbelievably intense and unwavering. Love is not just something that is shared between close family members or people in close relationships. Love is something to be offered and shared by ALL PEOPLE. This may sound a bit “corny” to you, but just try it for a few days. Try “loving” everyone and everything around you. A difficult task……yes……but one that can set your heart free and certainly help you in times of struggle. Can you love more?

Understanding – For me, understanding doesn’t mean to get to know something or to figure something out. It’s means caring. Caring for things you haven’t paid attention to before. Caring for the poor, caring for the homeless, caring for our soldiers ( who put their lives in harms way so we can have security), caring for the environment, caring for the millions of people (many of us included) who are facing enormous financial struggles. What’s so funny about that??

The bottom line here folks is a message of hope. In the words of our 44th President “YES……WE CAN”. We can rebuild our lives. We can get through these difficulties. We can open our eyes to more things that don’t directly affect our small worlds. We can have more PEACE in our lives. We can increase our heart capacity and LOVE more. We can develop a greater sense of responsibility and caring for others in need. Regardless of what we are personally going through, there are many others in the world far worse off that we are….for sure.

At the end of the day, each one of us is part of a grand universe, we all have a part to play, and we are all connected in some way, shape, or form. God has a special and individual plan for each one of us, and if we continue to work hard to find our true “authenticity”…… we will achieve the peace and happiness we all strive for. I conclude my correspondence to you on this beautiful North Carolina Blue Sky Day with the lyrics to this fantastic song, as well as the link to this soulful video with Elvis Costello and Nick Lowe. Take the 4 minutes to watch and listen to this song……your day will be better…..I can guarantee it!!!

Peach, Love, and Understand to all of you.......Tony

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dWdh7ERLb3E

As I walk through
This wicked world
Searchin for light in the darkness of insanity.

I ask myself
Is all hope lost?
Is there only pain and hatred, and misery?

And each time I feel like this inside,
Theres one thing I wanna know:
Whats so funny bout peace love & understanding? ohhhh
Whats so funny bout peace love & understanding?

And as I walked on
Through troubled times
My spirit gets so downhearted sometimes
So where are the strong
And who are the trusted?
And where is the harmony?
Sweet harmony.

cause each time I feel it slippin away, just makes me wanna cry.
Whats so funny bout peace love & understanding? ohhhh
Whats so funny bout peace love & understanding?

So where are the strong?
And who are the trusted?
And where is the harmony?
Sweet harmony.

cause each time I feel it slippin away, just makes me wanna cry.
Whats so funny bout peace love & understanding? ohhhh
Whats so funny bout peace love & understanding? ohhhh
Whats so funny bout peace love & understanding?

Slow down, pay attention, enhance your life

2009-02-25T08:12:00.000-08:00

First and foremost, I would like to thank all of you incredible people for the kind words you send me in response to my messages. Although I write to share and feed my soul, your genuine and thoughtful responses warm my heart. My distribution continues to grow…and thanks to Facebook, Hotmail, and LinkedIN…..I have added so many more people to my e-mail contact list over the last few months. That, in and of itself, is unbelievably inspiring to me. Connecting with people is just awesome. Weather its constant contact with close friends, a once in a while e-mail or call to catch up, looking at pictures of friends and their families on Facebook, checking up on their careers on LinkedIN…..or reconnecting with old friends. It’s all such good food for the soul…….and ultimately lies among the things I cherish most about my life. So, thank you to those of you who are in my life…..and those of who have re-entered my life.

Well, another ‘jolt” of inspiration has rushed into my small mind this morning, and I thought I would take a few moments out of my day….and share. The combination of writing and sharing has literally changed my life over the last few years. When my brain starts to overload with ideas, somehow writing them down releases an energy flow that fuels me for days….even weeks. My inspiration this morning actually came for two sources, both of which I will share below. One was an e-mail that I received from one of my colleges in Chennai, India. The other was a video I viewed from walkthetalk.com, entitled 212* (the extra degree).

As most of you are aware, I currently work with in the global outsourcing space. I am sort of still in the mortgage banking space, but rather than leading a sales team (which I miss greatly), I am responsible for US sales for an outsourcing firm based in India. I work with a very qualified team of associates in Chennai on a daily basis. Over the course of the last 8/9 months, I have built some excellent relationships over there. For me, relationship building lies at the core of who I am……so having an opportunity to build them in another country has been very rewarding. These people I have come to know have a variety of incredible qualities. They are kind, patient, intelligent, respectful, eager, calm, accommodating, ever-present, and extremely reliable. Traits we all aspire to gain and retain throughout our lives. I have been quite impressed with my colleagues in India, and have daily interaction with a select few of these special individuals. This morning, I received an e-mail from my friend and colleague Srikanth. Srikanth is what we refer to as our “transition manager”. Basically, he is responsible for learning the outlined process from our clients, and transitioning that process from the US to our India processing center. He does a fantastic job, and he and I have a phenomenal working relationship.

The e-mail he sent this morning was entitled “Interesting Facts about India”. As soon as I received the e-mail, I knew it was going to be special…..so I took the time to carefully read all the interesting and unique facts about this country. I was shocked that I only actually knew about 10% of what I read. What an incredible country and what incredible people. I can’t wait to see my children this weekend and share this educational document. They are still a bit young to comprehend all of it, but they will get the picture…..and the message. To pay attention to as much as you can, and to continually learn and feed your brain. So many of us in the US have no idea what the Indian culture is all about. I can tell you that it’s certainly not about what you witnessed in the movie, Slumdog Millionaire. Although that movie was fantastic, and had great emotional appeal, it’s not a true and realistic representation of mother India. India is also not a country full of people that answer customer service calls and call themselves John Wayne. I realize that many of us get on these customer service calls, and get frustrated when we get someone on the phone that we can’t really understand. When this happens to you, please keep in mind, that these individuals come from a different culture, and that they are just trying to do their jobs….like you and me. India is a vibrant country with great history, thriving economy, fantastic scenery, and billions of people. Literally, there are over a billion people in India (more than double the US and second only to China). This country typically flies under the radar and their people are so peaceful, that you hardly ever hear about them in the US national news.

After I read this, I started thinking about all of the things that I have just not paid attention to over the course of my life. I guess I was just never willing to invest the time, and didn’t really have the desire to learn about other cultures. My only focus was on things right in front of me. Maybe, many of you feel the same way. But life is different for me now, and I assume it may be different for many of you as well. I try to not to miss things anymore…..and I try and stay alert and live in the NOW. This is the main component of my message today. We really should slow down……take a deep breath……pay attention….and take the time to learn something new about people (and other things) outside your own personal comfort zone. Open your hearts…..open your minds……and your lives will be enriched. Just like mine was this morning. All it takes is just one extra step.

This leads me into my other source of inspiration this morning. I receive an e-mail everyday from walkthetalk.com. This morning’s e-mail came with a video entitled;

212* (the extra degree)

I have attached the video link below, and I would encourage each of you to take a few minutes and watch. It’s only 3 minutes long, but packs a very powerful punch. The basic premise is that water heats up to 211* degrees, but doesn’t boil until 212* degrees. Boiling water turns to steam…..and with steam….you can power a locomotive!!! This one small degree makes all the difference. To tie back into the message here, taking one extra step each day to enhance our lives in everything we do…….could be the difference between success and failure…..the different between knowing and not knowing (about India for example). One of the poignant quotes in the video…

“To get what we have never had, we must do what we have never done”.

This is what my life has become about over the last few years my friends, and I am hopeful that each of you can draw something from my message today.

As a matter of fact, the title of the e-mail from walkthetalk.com this morning was
“The Message That is Motivating Millions”. WOW…..How cool is that?

The bottom line here is to embrace life. ALL life, not just the one right in front of you. Yes, I realize that times are tough for many of you….they certainly are for me. But it’s through these tough times, when we find the true “nuggets” that help us become better people. I look at like this. We are being tested. In order to do well on any test, we must study. We must investigate. We must take ourselves out of our daily patterns and open our minds up to the things around us. We must take those extra few minutes to learn about new things…..cultures…..people……and continue to fuel our brain cells. We must constantly invest in both our intellectual and emotional capabilities if our goal is to grow in mind and spirit. All of this takes hard work and strong faith.

So, here’s the question……

What will you do different today to enhance your life? Will you take the time to learn something new? Will you take one extra step to get your water to a boil?

Enjoy the video.
Your friend always…….Tony

http://www.212movie.com/

I Too.....Sing America

2009-01-05T08:03:00.000-08:00

I hope this e-mail finds you all in a great Holiday spirit, and getting ready to spend some special times with your family and friends over the next several weeks. As we pave our way through this Holiday season and into the New Year, we can’t help but to reflect on the year passed and look forward to 2009. Although the economic situation seems bleak and it’s been a very tough year for many of us, I am actually thankful to have had the experiences of 2008. You see, it’s through the difficult and challenging experiences that you find your “true” self. At least, it’s been that way for me. I have talked with many of you recently, and everyone has experienced some sort of life changing situation this past year. Guess what, we made it through….and the future is bright. The future …..that will be the focal point of my message. For you Sesame Street fans, I will be assisted by the letter “F” today.

My inspiration for this message today comes from a poem I read this morning by Langston Hughes, entitled “I, Too, Sing America” It’s an incredible and timely poem for what is going on today, and represents a very optimistic view of the future. I read it in my book that I read from every day, entitled “The Intellectual Devotional”. It’s basically 365 pages (one subject per day) on visual arts, literature, religion, science, music, philosophy, and history. This poem really got my juices flowing, and although I try to stay focused on the present moment these days, it really got me thinking about the past and mostly about the future. I started to reflect of all of the important pieces in my life….like faith, family, fatherhood, and friends.

All of the sudden, the “Fs” starting flowing. The good “Fs”….not the bad ones. :) I thought to myself, if I keep my Focus on Faith, Family, Fatherhood, Fitness, and Friends……..my Future will be bright. The power of “F”….. bet you haven’t heard that one before. That’s the thing about inspiration. It comes in many different flavors and in many different forms.

Langston Hughes was one of the great poets of the Harlem Renaissance in the 1920’s, and this poem elegantly expresses both the sad reality of African American’s second-class status in American society at the time and his own confident optimism for the future. Here it is:

I, too, sing America
I am the darker brother.
They send me to eat in the kitchen
When company comes,
But I laugh,

And eat well,
And grow strong
Tomorrow,
I’ll be at the table
When company comes.
Nobody’ll dare
Say to me,
“Eat in the kitchen,”
Then.
Besides,
They’ll see how beautiful I am
And be ashamed –
I, too, am America.

Pretty cool…..right? We now have an African American President for the first time in our country’s history, and regardless of your political views, I know you ALL realize what an enormous achievement this is for our country. It’s a message of persistence, hope, optimism, and humility. It’s a crystal clear vision that should propel all of us to keep moving forward in the face of adversity and difficult times. As I write this note to you today, I am reminded of another short poem that I heard from an Indian taxi driver in NYC last month. It went something like this:

“Rosa sat, so Martin could stand, so Barack could run, so our children could fly”.

WOW….I had chills up and down my spine when I heard that, and a feeling of optimism that fueled me throughout the day. I was as equally uplifted and inspired by this poem today, and I am hopeful that his message will resonate with you in some fashion. Just look at all of these fabulous “F” words:

Faith, Family, Friends, Forward, Fatherhood, Fitness, Focus, Find, Flavors, Fabulous, Forms, Flowing, and last…..but not least……FUTURE. Indeed, this is a time to reflect on all of these great words and how each one of us can improve our lives in 2009 by reflecting on and diving into each one of them.

Here’s to a very Happy Holiday and an equally Awesome New Year.
Tony